My Mosaic

Sorry it’s been a hard day for you too @creative_writer and yes, sometimes that’s all we can do.
I’ve been a bit all over the place today just trying to get by…. But have got a few things done. Did some painting, some more to my Lego flowers, got on the bike for a bit, finished my home work for my appointment tomorrow and have now just forced some dinner down- that was a real struggle. I’ve been restricting so much, that my body just doesn’t like food anymore. I feel sick at the sight of it and become very full very quickly. Sigh.

looking forward to bed time.

@creative_writer It hasn’t actually. It crept in at the end of 2020 when everything was way out of control. It spiralled out of control very quickly. Health professionals have questioned me a lot cause it’s a relatively new thing…..

Feeling really smashed this afternoon. I had another nearly 2 hr session with my psychologist again today. I was so ready to leave by the end of it. During the last week my psychologist had me write a letter to my ex, with no intention of giving it to him, but expressing some of the anger I feel towards him. I was able to shift the blame to where it rightly sits…. On him.

i then had a moment of feeling really dizzy.., which my psychologist could see. So we talked about where I’m at with my ED. I got really frustrated cause I didn’t have the answers to a lot of her questions. Why do I need to keep punishing myself? Why do I not deserve the basis human essentials of food and water? Why do I struggle so much to connect with the inner child and what she needs? I became pretty overwhelmed and frustrated.

My psychologist knows that I spent some time at a rehab facility back many years ago. We talked about that and at what point things shifted for me. Which lead into a long conversation about my faith. I wasn’t sure how it would go considering my psychologist is clearly not a Christian. But I really appreciated the fact that she held that space for me to share something that is…. was …really important. And she has encouraged me to do some things during the next week to help find myself again?

Hey @Bow,

Wow a 2 hour psychology session sounds so exhausting- I hope you can take it easy for the rest of the day, or at least for a little while? 🌼

EDs can be so tough and persistent to battle- sending ongoing support for you 💗

I'm aware you haven't asked for advice or anything so feel free to completely disregard this, but in your own recovery, I'm wondering if you've engaged in ED peer support groups, e.g. through the Butterfly Foundation - and if you did, how you found them? It looks like Eating Disorders Victoria run some groups too, but people need to be residents of Victoria to participate- I'd be curious to know if anyone has found those to be helpful too.

After my session I went and had a cuppa @Former-Member it’s one drink that I allow myself to have after my psychology appointments before I have to check back into life….. some down time I guess. Shortly after that I went and looked after some kids for a couple of hours. Probably not the best decision on my part after a psych appointment.

what do other people do after appointments to help process what they talked about? Some days I feel like I just leave stuff in that room and walk out. And then feel like it was a waste of time. Some days I wish I could take notes or something.

Good morning @creative_writer @Bow @Emelia8 and anyone else passing by. I hope today goes well for you.

@Bow a cuppa sounds like a nice way to come out of a long session like that- I could take this idea up myself! I find it's often helpful for me to have some time and space to myself after therapy to reflect on everything, and a tea would fit nicely into that 💗

To help with processing, it depends what was talked about, but for me I find it helpful use some time to try and operationalise what was talked about. It might mean opening up my calendar/daily schedule, and changing some things around, or creating a note in my phone (which is easy to access wherever I am) with key learnings, for example, recently- a list of important things to consider + things to do that would be good for me, if I find myself in certain headspaces. Often I feel like I could add to my Wellness Recovery Action Plan after therapy from things I've experienced/learned, too.

Hopefully these spark some potential ideas? 😊