My Mosaic

When people say …. ‘Will you give me your word…..’ what do you think? Feel? 😩

Instant anxiety @Bow !!

Are you ok?

No

in a scary I don’t care headspace

I'm sorry to hear about what you're experiencing right now @Bow. Sitting here and with you through this, as I'm sure many others are too, 💝

If that scary feeling is something that's distressing or you're concerned for your safety, please don't hesitate to reach out for further support.

I seen my gp today. Wanted to talk to her but the nurse was present helping her.
then went and seen my case manager. Told her where my head is at. But she just sent me on my way.
kinda like I don’t care..: and they don’t care. Matching. Nevermind. 😩

Hear you @Bow

Sitting with you. It's so hard to feel dismissed and unheard.

I feel really overwhelmed tonight. I feel like there are too many people around. I struggled when I had no one, when I felt unheard and unseen. Now there is too many. And I’m just letting them all down cause I feel so done. Ripped all my dressings off tonight. Don’t care. Going to cancel appointments with my gp. Don’t care. Will cancel dietitian appointment cause I don’t care. I took my meds nearly 2 hrs ago and I’m still awake. They increased my meds a few weeks ago to help

with my sleep but it’s done nothing. Think I’ll take some more. I just wanna sleep. Disappear.

The psychiatrist here has changed all my meds while in here @Bow . Given I have never seen a psychiatrist b4 its probably been a worthwhile exercise. He put me on a mood stabilizer which is known to help with nightmares, without lowering BP, which the other one I was on previously, did. Not on it for the mood stabilizer effect, but on a relatively low dose (off label use) for help with preventing nightmares. They seem to work for me 🎉. Wish I could tell you the name of the med, because I know you too have the issue of low BP that I do. Perhaps you could ask your pdoc about that? The name starts with a T and the pills are tiny little things. Wondering how you are going in regard to nightmares now, or whether they have now passed for you.

I have weaned off my previous AD, which I was really put on for chronic pain, but also because I was having thoughts of suicide. I am now on a good dosage of AD which also happens to be useful for sleep, so I'm told. I have found it good for getting to sleep, but I am slill waking up every night between midnight and 3am. Usually numerous times.

I am going home Friday morning. Mixed feelings around that.

Anyway, returning to you. I am hearing you, and think I can understand your reasons for overwhelm. I too am feeling a building feeling of overwhelm, but my reasons I think are different to yours on this occasion. One thing I will ask of you though, is to please replace the dressings you ripped off earlier. The last thing you need, or any of us want, is for your wounds to become (or to remain) infected. I care about you, and I know many others do too. Please take care.

Emelia

Sending hugs, @Bow and @Emelia8 ...

Thanks for replying @Emelia8

i see my community mh psychiatrist on Monday. I am really not looking forward to that appointment and have been considered not turning up. I am terrified that she is going to put me on a CTO cause of where things are at for me at the moment. I’ve taken a lot of steps backward this week and just really struggling with a lot of things. I’m not going to my gp appointment tomorrow. My usual gp is not going to be there and she has booked me in with one of her colleges who is a male. My sh wounds are high up on my thigh and I don’t feel at all comfortable with the situation.

If I do get to my psychiatrist appointment on Monday I will discuss my meds. I think maybe once I am asleep I am sleeping some better, it’s just the getting to sleep. I really want… need something that will knock me out quickly. It’s night times that I struggle the most. I still have the occasional nightmare. What she has put me on for nights and during the day seem to be helping in that regard. I am actually surprised that both times I have ended up in the emergency department cause of low bp they haven’t even considered taking me off that medication. I think if I can stay well hydrated it helps with my bp, but even that is a struggle for me at the moment.

im glad to hear that you time there has been of benefit in regards to your medication. It can be a really challenging thing to get all that right, but by the sounds of it, there have been some positive adjustments?

i have my support group this morning. Really don’t want to go. But don’t want to let them down. And we are doing our ‘hope boxes’ today. Not sure what that is, but sounds slightly interesting, so I’ll go for that. It’s the second last week too. Then I am catching up with a friend afterwards, before the new social activities lady that my case manager referred me to is coming around to go over the calendar with me. It all sounds fun, I just feel a bit overwhelmed by it all and I hate that they call the people that they engage with customers. I’d much prefer to be called a client?

anyhow, I need to get myself organised. Dragging my feet this morning. D had a big melt down this morning, so was slow getting her off to school.

Thinking of you @Emelia8 x