My Mosaic

@Bow Things are super rough for you tonight hey. I can imagine it's pretty confronting to have a high count like that.

What has been helpful for you today, to help you keep safe? Have you reached out to any of your supports?

Keeping me busy. That helps. Doesn’t stop what goes on inside my head though 😩

will take my meds soon and just sleep

@Bow 💔👀👂

Sending you love 💞

@Bow also sending love 🤗💜 I do hope you can get some rest tonight. Perhaps tomorrow will be better 🤞

Some folks from my case managers team will call by tomorrow to check in. Anxious not knowing who it will be and what I will feel comfortable sharing.

@Bow totally fair, it's always nerve-wracking to talk to someone new about stuff that is so personal. I hope it turns out to be easier than you expect! And you can always come vent about it here after if you need to.

Thanks @Jynx your a gem

Meds kicking in and getting sleepy gonna listen to the rain on the roof

squishy hugs for you too @Anastasia hoping your day has been a bit better?

Thinking of you @Bow and hoping you’re asleep.

Lots of love

💙❤️🤗❤️💙🤗💙❤️🤗❤️💙

Body check at least ten times a day,

Notice the curves that I hate,

Engaging in habitual torture,

Convince myself that I'll feel better,

Once my goal is achieved,

But every day my goal is changed,

Consentual malnourishment,

Recovery feels like a pipe dream,

Procrastinate reality,

Put off thinking of long-term effects,

My flat stomach is worth it in the end

Whenever I think I see a light,

Relapse isn't far behind,

Dysphoria mixes with dysmorphia,

Anorexia-nervosa chimes in on the chorus,

Constant yelling fills my thoughts,

Retreat to safety,

Bundle myself in blankets of hatred,

So many layers to disect,

Without this, then what is left?

Awww gee @Bow that sounds like torture. 😢 I am so sorry. 💝

I cant offer any wise words, as I have no experience of EDs.

You ask the question "what is left?" YOU are left sweetheart. The real you, the you who is trying so hard to emerge from this cocoon of torment.

Your darling daughter is left and your mother who clearly loves you.

Your church friends and pastor are left, and they obviously care a great deal, judging from comments you have made in the past.

There are beautiful things in this world that remain. You must have favourite places ... Seaside, mountains, beaches, rainforests, beautiful gardens etc. I often think they are worth living for.

Stay strong sweetie.

Emelia