My Mosaic

@Bow 💗💗💗

@Daisydreamer What’s important about community? And what would it feel like?

I guess things like acceptance, being valued and cared for, being part of something, having ‘my people’ or ‘my village’.

I’ve lost a lot over the years. Places, people, groups, where I thought I belonged. And I get that people move on, relationships changes, but when it’s a constant theme throughout a long period of time, it begins to wear on you. It chips away at that part of you that believes that there is just something wrong with you. No one wants me. No group will accept me. I frequently put a lot in and get very little in return, which then makes me take a step back and then you realise just how very alone you are. I’m just not made to fit in or belong anywhere. As it’s been said, I’m a square peg in a round hole and really who wants to live their life like that??

I think a lot of this comes back to identity too. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Daughter, mother, ex-wife, friend, eating disorder, trauma survivor. Who am I? What do I have to offer anyone? Not a lot. I’m too messed up. That’s what it comes down to. My whole life, there are far too many layers, layers of trauma and complicated messes and who wants that? It’s not worth it anymore.

@Bow 👂👀😔

@Bow I honestly believe a sense of community (or more to the point, a lack thereof) is one of the greatest factors that influences our mental wellbeing. I want you to know that I really feel you on how truly horrible it is to always feel on the outside, or to lose your community and not know where you belong.

Sounds like you're in the throes of a painful exploration of your identity, and that at the moment it feels like you are not worth others' time because your trauma history is so gargantuan, it feels like a barrier to anyone being able to truly accept you.

Well I see you, I hear you, and I retain hope for others to see you the way we in this community see you - as a valued, beloved member of the community who cares for and supports others, is always willing to lend an ear and a kind word, and who is just as welcome here on your darkest days as on any other day. 💜

Hey @Bow ... I just made myself a chai latte. Would you care to have one with me? 💝☕

That would be nice @Emelia8 have just put D to bed and usually make myself one and crawl into bed…. See how long it is til my daughter ends up in my bed.

@Jynx need to think a bit…

Of course @Bow do what you need to do, here if you need 💜

Great ... I could use the company @Bow . Can I get you something to have with it? I have some nice shortbread biscuits. @Anastasia and @Jynx are around too, and might like to join us?

Just a chai for me @Emelia8

D lasted all of 5mins in her own bed and is curled up beside me. It’s become a bit of a habit, not sure if it’s linked to started overnights at her fathers? Not really complaining about the extra snuggles though.

Thank you. @Emelia8 🙏