My Mosaic

Want to cry today. Tired of this ED. Tired of it ruling my life. Dictating what I do. Not allowing me to eat. Not allowing me to enjoy time with my daughter. Slowly destroying me from the inside out. Getting to the point of this restricting cycle where my body is not coping. Can feel it. It doesn’t feel nice. My body is tired. Feels malnourished. Needs nourishment. Needs energy. Yet my ED won’t allow it. Keep going. Keep pushing. See how far I can go. Constantly battling the urges. ED yelling and screaming in my ears. Say no. Don’t eat it. Keep exercising. Keep running. Body hurts. Aches and pains. But they don’t matter. Push through them. Keep going. You deserve the punishment. You deserve the pain. No food for you today. Nothing.

Hey @Bow 🎀

I am so sorry that the ED is torturing you so much today. I know personally how EDs can be such relentless bullies and it can take so much energy to stand up to.

You are worth so much more than what your ED is telling you.

If you are worried about your immediate physical safety, please do not hesitate to reach out to 000.

If you need a safe space to have some company, we are always here for you.

Take good care of yourself today (and always!)

Kind regards

Peregrinefalcon

Thanks @Peregrinefalcon I don’t have the energy today to stand up to it. Some days it won’t even let me have a drink. Today is one of them days. The torturous battle between desperately needing a drink and the monster screaming in my ears

Hello @Bow

Gosh that sounds exhausting and difficult. I'm so sorry the monster is loud. I'm here with you sweetheart, hope that helps a little 🙏

Thanks for your kindness @Anastasia

feeling pretty broken tonight 💔

I'm sorry, that's not a good feeling at all sweetheart. I know the squishy hugs from you have always helped so here's some for you tonight @Bow 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Some days i don’t think about it much. The flashbacks aren’t there very often. Maybe I didn’t have a nightmare last night. I can go about my day as I normally would.

But then there are days like today. Everywhere I look I am reminded of what happened. I have the painful body memories of what he did. The flashbacks feel as real and as fresh as when it happened.

It feels like just yesterday that it happened. That I made that stupid decision to go wander the streets late at night. When I sat in that park to collect my thoughts before heading back home to try and go to sleep. When my world came crashing down around me all over again. And so many things will forever change.

it’s coming up to a year in a couple of weeks. I don’t know how to face it.

@Bow

💙🦋💙

Many thanks @Eve7 @Former-Member

not doing ok this evening