My Mosaic

@Bow

💙🦋🙏🤗🙏🦋💙

Good morning to you @Bow 😊

I hope you are feeling better than you did yesterday. Sounds like it was a really difficult day for you, with the unhealthy ED behaviour sabotaging your wellbeing.

How did you manage to get along with the visit from family for your step dads birthday? I am sorry to hear that his health appears to be deteriorating and that he likely wont see another birthday. I do hope yesterday was memorable for him, and for his family.

I hope after what occurred and your big day, that you were able to get some restorative sleep last night. Please take care Bow, you are very important to your family and friends, and well loved and respected by lots of us here. I only want good things for you in future, and a chance to leave the bad behind you. 🙏💕

Emelia 🌸

Thank you @Emelia8 for the lovely message.

Yes I am feeling a little better today. Still engaging in that unhealthy ED behaviour, but not as bad today.

The time with family was nice yesterday. My brother and his partner did a gender reveal with us, they are expecting next year and it's a girl. My D is very excited, as am I. I can do some sewing for her. It's my step dads birthday today, we celebrated yesterday cause my brother works. But it's been emotionally heavy. Knowing that he more than likely won't see another birthday. He doesn't talk about it, but we can tell that it's hard for him.

I had a difficult nights sleep last night. I mistakenly watched something that triggered me right before bed. My stupid fault.

Today my ex messaged me, wanting to discuss overnights again. I haven't actually read the full message yet. I keep putting it off but it's causing a lot of anxiety. I know that this is going to happen, I can't put it off anymore, but I am not ok with her staying the night with him. I never will be. I am disappointed that the police and child protection didn't do what they are suppose to do and protect us in this situation.

I feel like so much stuff is going on in my life, I feel very overwhelmed. Trying to deal with so much trauma, stuff from my childhood was triggered last week, my steps dads health, now all this with my ex and my ED which is becoming more and more of a concern on my medical stability. I spoke with my gp this morning, she is writing me a medical certificate for centrelink, that will at least hopefully get them off my back for a little while.

i honestly don't know how much more I can handle. My folks are having to rely on me more and more for things, my mum doesn't drive. But I am really just in no place to provide support. I am falling apart inside. SI is still a constant battle for me. My psych says to make sure I call, but I don't want to. I'd be calling every day. I feel so triggered daily. The meds I have been on haven't really helped, my gp said to keep trying them. I am just so exhausted. So done.

sorry, just rambling now.

Hi @Bow ,

I can see there is a lot happening for you at the moment, and I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your ex-partner. You and your daughter deserve protection, and it's understandable that the injustice here has caused so much stress and overwhelm.

I also acknowledge how exhausted you feel managing your mental health and past trauma. It's a lot. Here with you

from cloudcore

@Bow sitting with you hon 💗💗💗

Thank you @cloudcore i appreciate your response. I feel like my hands are tied in regards to my ex and there isn't anything I can do about it. The worst thing is my daughter thinks the sun shines out his *#€&. If only she knew!

My psych called a little while ago, she is changing my appointment to Wednesday. I know it's only a day... but why does change bother me so much. I just need to be thankful that she was able to fit me instead of cancelling all together.

feel at breaking point this afternoon 😩

Sending you love @Bow

Leaving lots of squishy hugs here for when you need them 🌻

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Defeated today

lots of tears

Im exhausted

tired of everything being so hard

tired of having to fight every day

want the pain to end

want the end to come

@Bow hoping today is going better for you.

Lots of love hon 💗💗💗

Thanks @Snowie I'm sitting in my car outside my psychologists office. She moved my appointment to today. I don't know which is better... going early so I have plenty of time to work up the courage to walk in, or leave with just enough time to get there and risk being late cause I can't get out of the car???

how are you today?