My Mosaic

@Bow I have been following this thread for a long time. You have shown enormous strength and persistence along your journey and I hope at some level you can feel the support and care that people here have for you. I pray that you are where you need to be.

@Bow 💗💗💗

You are loved very much by us on the forums @Bow

💜💖💜

I'm really sorry about my last few messages. I'm safe now.

I've had the shittiest few days. Things have been really hard. I had an attempt on Friday and then panicked and called for help.

I'm currently in a psych ward. Been here since being medically stable. I haven't been able to eat since last week. My BSL are really low, they checked them every 2 hrs over night and have been threatening to put me on a higher level of care or transferred to a medical ward. I'm currently hooked up to an IV line with a nurse sitting beside me. They keep telling me it's a psych ward and they aren't equipped for this stuff. Maybe if they jumped on my not eating earlier I wouldn't of got to this point. Psych wards just aren't set up for eating disorders. Now I'm waiting to be reviewed by a doctor.

the longer I go without eating the harder it feels to start again. I wish I could properly express how difficult the battle inside my head is over eating. Knowing that my body needs nourishment, when my blood sugar levels are so low and I feel so crummy, yet not being able to eat. The war that wages inside my head is horrible. But I can't fully put into words.

Anyways, just rambling. I was allowed to have my phone while stuck in my room on a drip.

Thank you @Eve7 hope you are ok?

and thank you @ApricotJam im not really sure what to say in response to your comment. It is hard to accept that.

thank you also to @Snowie @outlander @Anastasia @Emelia8

@Bow 😔 👀👂💝

I’m ok today thanks @Bow and very pleased to hear from you and knowing you are safe for now.

You are very much in my thoughts and prayers hon. One moment at a time.

💖🦋🙏🦋💖

Thank you for letting us know you are safe @Bow 🙏

You are in my heart and thoughts sweet Bow 💞

They really do not understand EDs in here. I've had such a horrible morning and afternoon. Just had a big cry. They started packing my stuff up to move me to a different ward, higher level of care, which I do not want and am terrified of. There are some guys over there that are really violent at the moment.

All of this after I made a big attempt at eating some food and having a hot drink. Huge after not eating anything for days. They made me eat a whole sandwich.... they just have no clue. I feel so sick now. I truly hope that it's enough after all of that to keep me on the open ward. The nurse that had been sitting with me all morning had advocated for me apparently. Made sure that they knew that I had eaten and drunk and that my BSL are up and staying up.

send me home even! I eat better at home. In the comfort of my own home, with mum watching over me, I can't get away with restricting at home, plus it will be food that I like.

sorry just venting. Want to cry some more.