My Mosaic

ohh hoping you can go home hun. I know you want to be home for christmas 💜

I’m home!!

as soon as that last bag finished I buzzed the nurse and was out of there! Thank you @Snowie @Emelia8 @Eve7 and anyone else for your love and support the last few days. I really appreciate each of you.

Still lots of work to do, but not thinking about that tonight.

I just had a nice long hot shower and am now going to go snuggle with my little girl.

oh @Bow I am super happy for you hun 😁😁

I am so glad that you are home. Snuggling you your little girl sounds like a great end to the day.

Enjoy this time hun, you have worked so hard to make it this far 💜💜

Great news @Bow 😄💝👍🎉🎄🍒

Have a wonderful Christmas @Bow

❤️

I know y’all are struggling so please no pressure to reply, even read, just feeling really emotional this morning. I slept ok last night, didn’t have the chance to call into a chemist on my way home last night so no meds, but I took some of my daughters melatonin to help me get off to sleep. She slept with me last night and went off to sleep quickly and then I lay and snuggled with her for a while. I woke in the middle of the night and was awake for a little while, but then did manage to get back to sleep. Was an early morning still, but instead of being woken by nurses at 5am I was woken by cockatoos! It was a slightly nicer way to wake.

Currently sitting on the couch trying to eat some breakfast. I feel nauseous. It’s a struggle to eat. But I must. It really is a mind battle. I’m just not at all hungry. It’s so good to be home, but things felt really safe in hospital- not that I am feeling unsafe at the moment, I’m not going to do anything, but it just felt like a safe environment. If it was not for Christmas I am unsure I would of actually been sent home so soon. It feels a bit scary that things are still so unstable and that low potassium levels can be serious. Knowing that I’m not having those daily bloods done to check how things are travelling is scary. I need to go to the gp and get bloods done on Saturday- which is Boxing Day so don’t actually know if that will happen. Then again in 2 weeks and then monthly until stable. Also need to see a dietician. My psychologist has just confirmed my appointment for this afternoon, which I am so thankful for. I really need to talk through the last week. Although I am a bit anxious about my appointment as I feel such a disappointment to her. Last time I was there I had agreed to remove the excess medication that I had hidden. Which I didn’t even though I messaged her and said I did- well I did remove it from my bedroom, but I didn’t take it to the mental health appointment like she asked me too so it was gone. My mum has gone through my room by the looks of things and removed some other stuff- which feels like such a violation. But is what it is. Feels like taking those extra meds helped save my life in the long run, cause it uncovered the life threatening potassium levels- but that just sounds weird typing that? My head feels in such a mess. I want to get to the shops this morning, I have most stuff organised. Just a few things to get. Sad that my daughter woke to no Christmas Eve box this year. I just wasn’t prepared. No Christmas pjs, Christmas crafts etc. I have a bike to somehow put together today.

If you’ve got this far thanks. Just a whole lot of random rambling sorry. Feeling fragile and weak but thankful.

@Bow 👂👀 💝🎄🍒

No rabbling @Bow Sometimes it helps a lot to just get is out - what you are feeling and going through etc. And I've followed your story and you've bravely gone so much.

It is a good thing you are home. It's only been a very short time,'so of course you are comparing it to the structure of hospital.

Don't worry about no traditional Christmas Eve stuff with your daughter. I promise you, all she's cares about, it that her Mum is home!

I wish you lots of strength for tomorrow - hopefully it will turn out to be easier than you think.

Merry Christmas 🎄

@Bow

I am glad you get to see your psychologist today, hopefully that helps you out.

Just take one day at a time hun.

Lots and lots of love and hugs sweetheart 💖💖

Many thanks @Emelia8 @Snowie @WIP

i managed to get to the shops today and get a few last minute things that I hadn’t got and I found a matching T-shirt- not really christmasy, but it was Christmas colours. So we both wore them tonight to bed.

Realised while out how weak I still feel and a bit unsteady I am on my feet. The shops really wore me out. Which I really struggled with, I’m really keen to get back to my daily walks- I was doing that up until the day I went into hospital, unhealthily and probably unwisely. The dietician said it was fine to exercise, but to take it easy and my psychologist said it will be good to get back to it but maybe not as much.

It was so good to see my psychologist today. We just caught up about what had happened last week and moving forward. She wanted to ensure that I had a plan in place for while she is on leave over Christmas and NY. She... and I both feel that something has shift for me, but realise that there is still a long way to go. I unfortunately wasn’t able to be fully honest with her around what I actually did last week. I just couldn’t tell her. I feel so ashamed and a disappointment to her.

Anyhow, I managed to put a bike together tonight! Why they don’t include instructions I don’t understand! And now I’m going to go crawl into bed.

Thank you again I appreciate each and every one of you. May your christmases be manageable. ❤️🎄