My Mosaic

@Bow appreciate you sharing this piece of your story hun.

Re: soul ties - I wasn't actually particularly raised religious, I think I've only been to church a handful of times. It's a new term to me (I've heard of soul mates but I figure that's not what this is). I don't want to diminish or insult your spiritual practice, so I won't comment on it directly. But I will say that you can choose which narrative, which aspects of your spiritual practice you actually want to hold onto and draw meaning from.

Is this thought helpful or unhelpful, would perhaps be the question to ask yourself. Or reflect on whether there's other ways for souls to be tied - by shared experiences for example. So maybe there's many a soul yours is tied to, and it's not just this one person you're tethered to. Maybe there's some ritual or pathway to severing this tie, if it feels like one you'd rather not hold onto along your journey. The meaning is yours to make 😉

I can hear that the thought of all these others knowing your vulnerability is something that feels very...exposing. Perhaps because you felt like you had to tell your story because they're professionals, rather than being because you felt ready to, and wanted to feel held and understood in your pain. I wonder if it would feel different to tell your story to a friend or someone close to you instead? Like, do you get that same feeling whenever you share your story with people here on the forums?

I didn’t mean for this soul ties thing to become an issue and didn’t mean that that’s what is happening with all my supports that I get. I’m sorry if that has come across this way and I’m sorry if it’s upset people.
was just trying to some how explain this tethering… I liked that word you used @Jynx …. There is this connection of some sort because I’ve HAD to expose myself vulnerable to get support over and over and over again. And the team leader said yesterday that she knows how hard it is for me to have to tell my story again and again but then said I didn’t have to share it. But then what kind of support am I going to get? They are not going to understand. They won’t know why I shut down numerous times a year due to trauma anniversaries. I would be robbing myself of adequate support. So I have to tell my story again.

TW: SA

@Bow Added a TW, but that's the only thing. You didn't do anything wrong, and I appreciate you sharing how you're feeling.

TW: SA

Kinda like how we guide people to share safely on the forums - naming the event, but then focusing on the emotional impact rather than describing what happened.

I think it's one of the key parts of trauma-informed care, so if you ever feel pressured to explain more details than what you're comfortable sharing, you're allowed to tell that person to back off, because you don't want to be re-traumatised.

Good afternoon dear @Bow

Just leaving some 💕💕 for you hon and letting you know you are in my thoughts

Thanks @Snowie

really rough day.

sorry.

nothing positive sorry.

SW messaged me asking how I was. Sat on it for ages cause…. Walls up. Don’t know what to say. But eventually share a few brief words. Thoughts. Feelings.
and nothing.

what do ya do?

then my brother in tas called. And my mum spoke with my dad which is huge. Brother ended up in hospital last night. Pain. He had scans. Cancer has grown more. He hasn’t had chemo the last 2 weeks though cause he has been sick. Hospital dr said there’d be no use coming up here for treatment- also mentioned palliative care. His got an appointment with his oncologist in 2 weeks time.

urgh.
sad.

howr u?

oh my dear @Bow

I'm sorry to hear about the news of your brother. It must be really hard to accept what is happening with him. It can be really distressing when you hear the words palliative care.

I hope your SW does respond. You deserve that at least. Even a call would be nice.

Please never apologise for having a rough day hon. It's hard when we have bad news and even harder when we feel like we've lost control of what is happening in our everyday life.

Here with you in this space

I'm ok. Not much sleep. Been keeping occupied.

Thanks @Snowie

im sad. I’m angry. Like really how much more is the world gonna throw at me??? I wanna scream I wanna break things. It really sucks being so far away from my brother. Do we go down there now? Do we wait until he sees his oncologist? And all the logistics of going down there. The animals. Do we fly and hire a car. Do we drive down.

And then there is all my junk in my head and stuff that I wish I could just cut it all off and throw away. If only it was that easy. There are more important things going on bow just get over it all quit being selfish

nothing from my SW.

how’s D’s costume going?

I think those emotions are very reasonable @Bow

It is hard to know what to do. Do you wait, do you hop on a plane and go, what to do. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a right and wrong answer. I guess you just have to do what you think is right. If you don't know that yet, then that is ok too.

I don't think you are being selfish at all hon. Whatever we are personally dealing with, there is always going to be other things going on, someone worse off. It doesn't mean that the things happening to us are any less important or that we don't deserve the help/support.

D's costume going well. This is just the first of many. I would take a pic but they post them on facebook so we can copy it, so prob not a great idea.

Thanks @Snowie thanks for being here this week. I really do appreciate you so much

Sorry just had to do tea for the heard!

Of course I would be here for you @Bow

You mean so much to me