My Mosaic

Hi @AuntGlow

I’m not sure if I remembered to tag you in my posts about my very brief hospital admission. Sorry.

I was there Tuesday- Thursday, 3 beds, 3 different pdocs. Once I was finally in the ward that I would remain in to do ECT, they refused to let me have any leave. Not even escorted leave to pop down to the cafe to get a drink. They refused to let me have my own pillow and blanket from home- infection control was their excuse. Which was BS, I could have my clothes and weighted teddy. And they disregarded and ignored the recommendations and instructions from the dietitian. Oh and I was so angry that they left my mum and 10yr old D just standing in the common area of an acute mental health ward. Alone. Surrounded by very unwell adults.
I chose to leave… funny how they very quickly let me leave to go home but I couldn’t go to the cafe with my SW to get a drink?

I’m disappointed. I’m angry. I’m so disheartened. Hopeless. I was banking on ECT for months…. Like 6mths, for it to give me some relief from my major depression disorder. And now I am left with nothing.

I’m feeling very hopeless tonight. Ya know that sinking feeling of dread. Dread that this is life.

not ok

No apology needed at all! I can see that you did update me a couple of times, which was really helpful - thank you. @Bow

I can hear that this has all been extremely overwhelming for you, and understandably so. It sounds like so much has been out of your control and that many of your needs for safety and comfort haven't been me, which would feel really vulnerable.

Being moved around a lot without being able to leave must have been quite dysregulating too.

Disappointed, angry, disheartened, and hopeless are all perfectly understandable reactions to what has happened.

I wonder what they could have done differently to make the process feel more inviting?

And is it possible that you can still get this support/ECT elsewhere?

I am just thinking that maybe this isn't your only opportunity for accessing the support you need? 💛

Good morning dear @Bow

I hope you were able to get some sleep last night and today goes ok hon

💗💗

Morning @Snowie

I slept okish. What about you?

you up to much today?

Hi dear @Bow

Sleep was ok, just woke early and couldn't get back to sleep. So sitting up whilst everyone else still sleeps!!

Need to go buy mum a new mobile phone (well a second hand one). She says hers isn't working properly. I've tried to tell her it works fine (unfortunately she's forgetting how to use it) but why listen to me. We have a shop near us that sells refurbished phones.

Need to go to supermarket too

Have you got any plans for today?

Oh I hate mornings like that @Snowie …. When you wake up so early and can’t get back to sleep! Sometimes I wake up early and need to go to the bathroom and then get back in to bed and scroll for a bit and fall asleep with my phone in my hand!

oh that’s frustrating about your mum and her phone. Does she use it for much? Like can you get her just a basic one?
my mum frustrates me sometimes with her technology issues! Lol I know I shouldn’t. I’ve always had an apple… and she has a Samsung, but not the good ones. I often have to end up doing stuff for her.

not much today. Looking like just a day at home I think. Asked D if she wanted to go out, but no. I’m going to go downstairs and sand back my next piece of furniture I think.

Ah that’s good @AuntGlow i wasn’t sure.

this admission was I guess a long time in the making, like a good 6mths of it being put off cause it wasn’t the right time. I had had plenty of time to think about and plan it out to ensure that it went smoothly and was a success.
like I had spoken with my dietitian at length about putting things in place to ensure I remained medically stable and that my psych admission didn’t turn into a medical admission which has been the case a number of times. I asked to see a dietitian as soon as I got there, down in the ED. And I seen a dietitian while I was still in the ED. Like that went really well. The dietitian heard me out and understood what I need to make sure I was ok. And then I seen the dietitian again once I was on the acute ward where I would remain for my admission and she reconfirmed the plan. I thought perfect. That was so amazingly supportive. But my meal

plan was not followed. I was told by nurses I was on a full meal plan and needed to eat what everyone else did.

I was moved from the ED mental health pod, to a short stay ward. And then to the acute ward. I went in voluntarily but I was treated like a scheduled patient. I had asked for leave while in the short stay to just go get a drink. They said no that they were waiting to hear from my case manager to make the final call I. Regards to my leave. I kept going back and asked if they had heard from her. I did this numerous times that afternoon but they kept saying no. They lied- cause my CM told me that she gave the all ok for leave early in the afternoon.

I just really didn’t understand their reasoning around not giving me my pillow and blanket either. They said infection control. Yet I had other things that came from the same bedroom. They told me it was a hospital wide rule, yet down in short stay people have blankets and pillows and whenever I’ve had a medical admission I always have my stuff bought in. And you know what else…. 3 days after I get home I get sick. 3 days in bed. So much for infection control! lol

there really isn’t much more that could of been done. Like my CM called up and spoke to people about me being there. Supporting my admission and me having ECT. The whole system needs to change. The fact that I still had to present to ED and go through that whole process to be admitted to have treatment that my community team were all supportive of. I went in on Tuesday morning. Thursday morning I was on the right ward and finally talking to the pdoc that would agree to me having the treatment, but they were leaving Thursday and would not be back until the Monday, so that would be another 4 days if nothing. Nearly a full week of all that messing around and wasting time. If it could be a proper planned admission with the support of the community team, I could have all the prep stuff before going into hospital- bloods and an ECG. I get admitted straight to the ward the day before I have my first ECT. Now that would make sense! But no. All that rigmarole, moving wards, telling 7… yes 7 different people why I was there. And a whole week wasted.

ECT elsewhere? Probably not. Having it done publicly will always be the same unless they change things. I asked about the private clinic I went to last time but that was just an agreement they had during covid. I just can’t afford private health insurance.

Most of the time once I'm awake thats it @Bow

I tried to give mum a mobile that all she can do is ring people or message people. She didn't like that. She wants to be able to access facebook and her bank. Don't know why, she's got no concept of money anymore. So have to get her a mobile she can do that on.

She is extremely fussy and cracks it if she doesn't get her way.

I hope you've got some of your furniture sanded today.

Yeah I’m the same @Snowie @I get cranky with the dog some mornings cause she goes out and barks. Wakes me up. She is a pain. But there is also a neighbors black cat that is constantly in our yard taunting the dog.

That sounds really frustrating to have to be dealing with. I’m sorry.

yep I sanded it, gave it an undercoat and then a coat of the light purple I’m using.

I’ve finished this off too. It’s a book nook that I got for Christmas. This one was a really easy build. I’ve done 2 others and they invoked a lot of cutting and gluing and mess. This one was pretty much just poping the pieces out and pushing them together. But I do love it.

 @Jynx

OMG @Bow that is soooo cool!! Book nook, so it fits on your bookshelf? I love it, what an amazing addition to your Alice collection! 😍