My Mosaic

I still do love shein and temu @Bow but they don't have next day delivery!

It's such a difficult decision hon and how much you tell them. It's really hard. You want to be open with them, but at the same time you want to protect them.

I got a pile of shein and Temu clothes that I need to get mums opinion on and send back @Snowie

I have so much anxiety over telling her.

Just put my temu pj's on @Bow!!

Hopefully you don't have to send back too much

Yea, I get that anxiety hon. It's really hard. What to say, how much to say. Then if they have any questions, what to say.

Oh are they nice pjs @Snowie ? I’m a bit fussy with the type of fabric used.

my initial send back pile is most of my order! 😂 I like my tops loose fitting. And I got a couple of pants that look really nice but don’t look good on me!

yep. Fingers crossed I say the right thing

I definitely feel like they understand us perfectly at times @Bow hahaha they are so cheeky!!

Yes they definitely don't like them at ALL - they have to kinda waddle around all day whilst wearing them so I can imagine to their agile, cat-like reflexes it's a nightmare!!

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@Bow wrote:

Oh and my psychologist asked me today if I had a diagnosis of adhd?!

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Oh reeeeeaaally? Hahaha my my isn't that interesting! What did you say, and how did you feel about being asked?

Yes yes they walk around like robots @Jynx all stiff and stuff. Or immediately drop to the ground. Haha

he asked cause we were talking again about my inability to focus and constant noise in my head. I just said no. But I felt really thrown by it. I don’t think I much get asked what my diagnoses are, they just know, but to be asked if I have a particular one, it’s like do you think I got it? Is there something more wrong with me? Like have you analyzed me that much in 2.5 sessions and have come to that conclusion?
I reckon I got some neurotypical traits but yeah don’t know. And I’m already on a stimulant for my major depression, you’d think it would help yeah? Or I’m just too broke and messy

@Bow something that could help to think about is that ADHD is not 'something wrong' - it's just a different way of thinking and being in the world. I think for a lot of people, figuring out their neurodiversity is helpful in more ways than just medication. It helps to make sense of the way our minds work, why certain things might be more challenging, and to start utilising coping tools and stuff that is actually meant for ND brains.

I think for many, it helps to release some of the shame about not being able to exist as... 'easily' in our modern world as other people.

If you're up for it you could always have a chat to @AlwaysMyself who has just gone through this process. Same for @Captain24! You could also google some online adult ADHD screening questionnaires to see how you score. And you can chat more to this psych and ask what has lead them to this conclusion, and chat more about whether it's a helpful avenue for you to explore. Self-insight can be a very good step in the recovery journey 😉

*pricked up on the tag and topic of exploring ADHD traits and self-insight*

@Jynx @Bow

Indeed, @Bow I've just received an ADHD diagnosis last month. It was an interesting journey for me the past 6 months in which a few people familiar with ADHD (counsellor, GP, ADHD friends) had asked me if i could have adhd, but until 6 weeks ago I hadnt thought i met the traits *strong enough* because whilst i related to all of them to some degree I was "able to manage the symptoms without ADHD medication".

... and then as my anti-depressants were tapered off i got a full flood of strong ADHD symptoms 🤣🤣. Sure enough, my specific anti-depressant medication can be used off-label for ADHD when people cant take stimulants 😅. So i had accidently medicated undiagnosed adhd for the past 15 years 🤣. Made a lot of sense of why i felt i had been able to "manage" (behaviouraly) despite relating strongly to all the ADHD traits. And yesterday a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD medication confirmed that my theory sounds very correct as to the increase of ADHD symptoms when tapering off that specific medication. This psychiatrist I will add had noticed some adhd symptoms when we had met the first/prior time which was just at the very beginning of my symptoms creeping up during the taper -- he already knew my sole-diagnosis of depression but also knew i had been referred for an autism assessment and his comment was "make sure they do an adhd screener too". 🤣.

So yeah... medications can help treat adhd even if you dont know you have it. But also, not all meds are effective for all people - so not responding strongly to a medication also may not be an indicator of not having it?

But i guess thats where the psychs are good at working out what is "normal levels", what is "caused by some other condition", and what *is* ADHD.

Would i have received an ADHD diagnosis if i had not come off my medication?

Im not sure if the psychologist would have diagnosed it from the screener 6 month ago (pre-taper); but i reckon the psychiatrist might have because he was aware my existing medication could have been treating it and thus the muted/controlled symptoms.

I found an online Masking/Adaption screener for ADHD really insightful. If you're interested i'll find it again and post the link. 😊. It basically described many of the ways i "managed" my ADHD both when on the medication and since coming off the medication.

I find it very funny now when i notice my own forgetfulness, distractability or quirky adaptions I have. E.g. carrying a fork around in my hand to remind me that my food is waiting for me still when i finish xx-activity-first.

If only i was disciplined enough to write all the anecdotes down, then i could write a comedy book 😅 (on the autistic traits too, they can be amusing too when i realise what i've said/done).

@Jynx @Bow i also learnt something else interesting from that psychiatrist too - which i hope is OK to say?

Apparently sometimes a specific ADHD stimulant can be prescribed off-label for "treatment resistant" depression (i am wondering if maybe this could be similar to yours @Bow but not sure of course since antidepressant medications generally arent stimulants to my knowledge; e.g. SSRI, SNRI, MAOI, TCA types)... theory was perhaps because untreated adhd symptoms and struggles causing anxiety and depression for the person -- its just a theory about why, based off the fact they *notice* sometimes it helps depression and thus sometimes prescribe it off-label when nothing else has worked (or in conjunction with an antidepressant). And the knowledge/admission that lots of psychiatrists/psychologists/GPs miss diagnosis of ADHD (and autism) because they are only trained in "mental illness" not neurodiversity (traditionally - but this is slowly changing it seems).

This was part of the neuroscience info i got yesterday @Jynx 😉. But only mentioned since our "comparator" drug is one of the ADHD medications. I had made a comment that i saw research indicating the *active treatment* drug plus another novel TRD drug both had anecdotal evidence of increased mental-flexibility in autistic patients. Hence the discussion on undiagnosed neurodiversity, TRD and the neuroscience behind these medications and why they may help TRD in neurodiverse people. I like that he's happy to go off-tangent and discuss these interesting things! Rapport building lol (plus his special interest area).

Hey @Bow

I got diagnosed with adhd and ASD in August last year. I too thought here we go something else wrong with me. I did a lot of research and it totally fits. I went through a stage of grieving before I accepted it. What would my life have been like if I had have known? What could be different? Where could I be? Would my mental state have been better if treated earlier?

It was a lot to process and a lot to accept. Now when I fill out forms that question my mental health it feels like a long list and I get embarrassed. I am coming to terms with the list of what is wrong with me. But it’s not really about what is wrong is about how to manage this and how I’m wired differently to others. I now see the difference in me to others. I can try to accept my quirks. It has helped with being able to talk to others at work in general conversations as I now know I have to think before I speak. Mind you that doesn’t happen a lot! 😜

I am on a stimulant for it and it blocks out the adhd noise but not the depression noise. There was another stimulant I could try if this one didn’t work. Maybe you could see what other options are out there as with bipolar medications are restricted and I can only take some as they can cause mania.

Understanding the adhd has been helpful. I spoke to my Pdoc on Wednesday and said I have a lot of noise in my head but it’s not adhd noise. She understood. There is a lot of your life that adhd affects and when I researched and could see that it made a difference and gave me understanding.

I hope this helps. I won’t lift the depression but gives you a different idea of your self. Maybe if you admission and ect works you’ll be able to better acknowledge what parts of you are what.

Any questions, please ask me. I only want to help.