My Mosaic

Hard when you don't know them @Bow Even harder when you know why they are asking the questions.

Think it will be an early night tonight.

Did D put herself to bed last night?

Yep, at least my SW should be on tomorrow. It will be nice to see her @Snowie

@hope you get a good nights sleep tonight hon.

yeah she put herself to be shortly after I went to bed.

That will be good if your SW is back tomorrow @Bow

Hopefully she visits or at least contacts you.

Thats good that D put herself to bed. She is old enough to do so. Hopefully that means she can do it again if needed. Sometimes the safest place is bed.

There is a big market on tomorrow near us. An annual festival with food and drinks, music, stalls. Love going to it but hate the crowds. Will probably go with H to that.

Have you got anything planned?

Oh a market, I’d be there in a heartbeat @Snowie

I don’t have anything on tomorrow. D is suppose to be at her fathers again for half the day.

It's a good market @Bow Lots of local produce and hand made items which our town in known for.

Just a shame that other people go!!

Does D still like going to her fathers? I'm assuming she still doesn't stay the night.

Sorry @Snowie

I need to go

not feeling too well tonight

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@Bow wrote:

Hi @AuntGlow kinda surprised to see you pop up.

nope not my babies. Just foster babies. They all weigh in the 800gm’s now, so I need to call the vet clinic up and book them in for desexing.

how am I? I’m really struggling. My CM is finally back after being away for a couple of weeks pretty sick. My SW has been off this week. I did have a visit from my old SW and a PSW today though…. I had let another SW know I was struggling and having a lot of sh/si. So it was nice they came to visit and my old SW who is now the team leader has put in place daily home visits for me while my mum is away. Including the weekend and some certain areas for them to check in with me around.
I went and met the male psychologist this morning. It wasn’t bad. I was honest and told him I wasn’t sure how I’d go working with a male. So we are gonna just get to know each other for a few weeks… until mum is back and then early April where I will most likely go into hospital to have ECT. That’s the current plan anyways. Need to keep myself well and out of hospital while mum is away- she’s back the 28th.
it’s hard. I’m struggling a lot tonight

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Good evening, lovely @Bow

I know! 😍

Oh wow, how did they come into your care?

I am really glad to hear you will be getting daily home visits. It sounds like your old support worker is really showing up for you.

It's also really positive to hear that the psychologist listened to your concerns and will go slow. How are you feeling about this?

ECT could be really wonderful for you right now as well. I can hear that things are starting to come together a bit more? 🥰

I understand that things are also still hard right now. Have your support workers put any other plans in place for helping you to stay safe and engaged in activities whilst mum is away?

I am curious to know how you're caring for yourself tonight too. 🫶

Stuck on the floor @AuntGlow sat down here and can’t get up.

kittens… I started fostering cats/kittens a few years ago through the animal welfare league. My first cat foster turned into a foster fail cause I adopted Mr Groot. Since then I’ve done 3 lots of kittens. They get so many kittens dumped, so they are often placed into foster care for a short period of time, socialized and just loved until they are old enough to be desexed and then put up for adoption.

it’s been rough going the last few days which is a bad start to mum being away. I usually last at least a week then I crash. But I’ve crashed straight away. Not eating. Urgh

sorry

im such a failure at everythung

useless

Hmm, tell me more about the floor. What's it like down there? @Bow

I tend to sit or lay on the floor when I am feeling a bit frozen too. It can be quite grounding.

Aww Mr. Groot. Do you have any recent photos of him? 😍

I can imagine that having the kittens as a focus would be quite helpful right now. Sometimes caring for something outside of ourselves can help us to manage our own inner voices a bit too, even if it's not on a conscious level.

Speaking of - how is D? Have you been up to much together lately?

I hear you, it sounds like it's been a lot for your nervous system... what do you think your body needs most tonight?

PS: You are not useless or a failure. You're doing such a wonderful job of caring for yourself and your foster fur babies tonight and that deserves acknowledgement. 💛

I think the floor is really low, it kinda feels safe I guess @AuntGlow can spread out

Mr Groot is a really sweet little boy. He was super timid when he came to me. But he is really starting to warm up finally- it’s only been 3 yrs. And maybe he is starting to read me a bit too? Like his coming up for snuggles and laying down right next to me.

the kittens are usually really good fit my mental health. Gives me purpose and stuff. But I’m really struggling with them this time. They are definitely getting cared for, but I’m just not spending as much as time with them as I have done with other ones. Everything is a real effort.

D is good. Haven’t done too much, she’s busy with school and stuff. But we are attending a big book fair next Friday. It’s on twice a year and we always go to it and spend hours looking through second hand books. And then we go to the beach.

I’ve just crawled into bed now. Back was getting sore on the floor. I’m tired. I want to sleep. But my head is racing very loud. And I feel sick.