My Mosaic

Hey @AuntGlow

@how r u?

today…. I’m a bit tired, got lotsa pains today too. Still feeling a fair bit fragile. Been a hard few days.

feel like lots has happened since I last chatted with you, so feel a bit lost.

but yes, I chatted with my SW about agreeing to his organising an admission once my mum is back. My CM is in hospital at the moment, rather sick apparently. So I’ve had a bit of contact from the team, who are randoms, which I really struggled with.

my SW did respond… well, she came and did a home visit. She said that she just thought I might need some space after everything, but now understands from my text messages, that that’s not really what I need.

oh @Bow I hope that you get the lego sets you want. Sounds like they have a few new sets out. Might have to look and see if D or S would like any.

D has lots of the flower sets, she seems to like them.

I haven't got much planned for tomorrow. Am hoping just a day at home.

I went and saw mum this morning so can have a day off tomorrow.

@Snowie @Bow ! I've missed you both sooooo much!

I've caught up on all the posts and my oh my, it's been just an emotional rollercoaster of a time. You must be exhausted!

What's happening tonight for the both of you?

Lego is a very expensive hobby @Snowie thats for sure! There’s a nice bunch of big sunflowers coming out.

hopefully a bit of a chill day for you then?

@tyme ! My watch has been buzzing for the last 10mins with your support notifications!

yeah been a week! And Ahuh I am tired but my tired doesn’t seem to go away just keeps getting added to

just watching some tv. Probably go to bed soon.

how r u?

Ooopps @Bow ! Sorry to annoy you with all the notifications of support! Tonight is the first night I've been able to catch up. Life in general has been hectic. My sister went on school camp so I was looking after the kids for a bit (as you know, my BIL is not really well at the moment).

Then, I've been drinking way too much yummy takeaway coffee which means I'm hardly sleeping at night... so yeah, at this point, I feel buggered. I will have a GOOOOOOD sleep tonight though!

While reading your posts, I came across this setence which I could really resonate with "i can text her, but I don’t even know what I’d say? Maybe she is sick? But someone else would call. Maybe just punishing me."

Those phrases were the exact phrases that used to go through my mind when there was micommunication or no communication. I used to also say, "Are they trying to test me to see if I will use the skills they go on about?"

So yeah, it sounds like you are certainly not alone in thinking that way.

When I was in comm health (case managed), I saw different people each time my psych was away. There were also times when I'd block out a day to see him, only to have him cancel on me..... so yeah. It sounds like it's a common thing. In my head, to help me feel better, I make excuses for them. e.g. "They must've had a really urgent matter to attend to. I hope the other person is okay"... this is the only way I found space to forgive them.

Of coruse they can do much better, but I guess I can only give them feedback. I dont' want to sit and stew over their mistakes.

We all need to find ways to protect ourselves. I wonder how you can also do that?

Of course, it can look very different to what works for me.

All I can say at the moment is that I'm super happy to see you 🙂

Hi @tyme just a night at home. Very crappy sleep last night so will be in bed soon.

@Bow it certainly is an expensive hobby! But the sets they come out with are so cool. No wonder lots of people buy them.

Hoping for a sleep in and a chill day.

Nah all good @tyme i actually really appreciate that you take the time in your busy schedule to go back and catch up. To me that shows you care.

oh coffee…. Wish I liked coffee… for me…. Too much energy drinks!

not sure what to say about that stuff ya said. I’ve had 4 calls from comm mh since Monday, checking on me, asking me heaps of questions, including today.
I get that they are busy people, busy service, but they have team meetings every morning…. Sigh anyways.
It’s just… nevermind

happy to see you too. I do wish more rest for you though

Awww @Snowie , after ECT, I thought you'd have a better sleep. I'm sorry it wasn't the best. Please rest up tonight. We can see each other in dream land lol.

@Bow , awww @Bow . Who knows? I just hope you find a way to do what it takes to know that YOU are not 'wrong' or 'rubbish' or 'not worthy'. Our brains can tell us that sometimes, but I just want you to know that I haven't met someone as brave and talented as you.

Tell yourself you are worth it. 🙂

So proud of you.

And I'm also glad that the MH team have been checking in with you.

Thanks @tyme those are nice kind words… they do bounce off… but I do appreciate you saying them… and maybe I can come back to them and they won’t bounce as quick?

I just took my evening meds and realised I didn’t take my morning ones… oops. Decided to take a small dose of one of my morning meds cause I remember I can have withdrawals quick from that one. Don’t need something else impacting my sleep.

D has been fluffing about since she got home from her father’s cleaning her room and downstairs cause she might have a friend coming over. I didn’t realise kids now days just organise their own play dates!