My Mosaic

Nothing in particular @rav3n Just doing some xmas shopping. Already waiting for a delivery!

Cold here too but at least not raining. Bed does sound appealing

Hi @rav3n @Snowie

Visit with CM was ok I guess. I was super tired though, nearly fell asleep sitting in the waiting area. It’s actually really hard to have a conversation when you’re that tired. I went in with 2 pieces of paper. 1 being my dietitian session summary report and the other being the list I had prepared to share with her on Saturday. She asked me what I had and I passed her my dietitian summary which is took and read.
She was interested by the mention of a planned admission. She asked why the week of the 8th, I explained that I had things on before that. She talked about her being on leave then and wouldn’t be able to advocate for me but could tell the team what to say.
then when it came time to give her the other list she asked if I could read it. I said no. We talked about the very lack of showering and teeth cleaning which she was surprised and shocked by cause I usually am pretty good at presenting myself well. (See this is my issue, people see me and how well I usually present and think I am ok and when I’m really not ok they are dismissive cause I look fine) and I am absolutely not banging it on, it is genuinely a really huge struggle at the moment and I repulse myself by it. I shower for markets. CM let’s not fill your week with outings cause you obviously need rest at the moment, but maybe 1 other outing. She asked a million questions about my SH too and was worried about waiting until the 8th for admission. Which can’t at all be planned just have to go through the emergency department sigh.

anyways it really is a shitty time at the moment.

Oh and my brother called this arvo. He had an appointment with his oncologist. Didn’t get good news this time. Adding another chemo drug, which means an extra 2 hours in the chair.
mum wants me to call my dad and see if he has anymore info cause dad went with him. My brother doesn’t tend to communicate much stuff like this. I haven’t spoken to my dad in a long time.

Hi @Bow

I'm glad you got somewhere with your CM. At least she read the summary from your dietitian.

I totally get the planned admission and trying to work it around things I have on. Mine have been like that too. Have your admissions in the past be planned?

I think because we present 'well', people think that things are ok. Unfortunately that doesn't mean inside your head is complete turmoil.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother hon. That must be really hard for you all.

Talking to your Dad after a long time can be really hard. Can your mum ring him?

@Snowie i love shopping, but xmas shopping always stresses me out 😅 hoping that it hasn't been too stressful on your end.

it's now bright and sunny- that's melb weather for ya!

@Bow i'm so glad your CM read the list!! sounds like she's starting to come around and understand you better. i get what you mean about presenting fine in public, i'm the same with my psych and the outside world. it's like, there a pressure to look presentable cos if you don't, it creates more anxiety? but when you're home, it can be really hard to have motivation to do the 'basics'. proud of ya for letting your CM know. do you feel a lil relieved having told her that?

sucks to hear that your brother didn't get great news, that must be tough on your family. i imagine it's a bit uncomfy calling dad if you haven't spoken to him in years hey.

Nah never really had a planned admission before @Snowie @always a result of something. She did say that Mondays are usually a good day to go in though. Is just a really bad time of the year. Right before Christmas.

Mum hasn’t spoken to my dad in like forever. She has nothing to do with him. I’m just gonna have to suck it up and do it. My dad is just so self absorbed. Never asks how I am just talks all about himself and his life.

how’s your day?

@rav3n I’m glad that I could be honest with her and that she read it all. She really needed to know exactly where I’m at.,, I guess I just kinda hope that all that effort to be honest and talk actually equals some extra support.:. Guess I can only dream. Cause I doubt it will. She was like…. Will I let her or my SW know if I need to go in before the 8th. I was like yep…. But I don’t know.

yep very uncomfy! I have no desire to call and speak with him

It is a bad time of the year @Bow but it is also the hardest time of the year. That extra support could make a huge difference for you. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first.

Hoping you at least get some more info from your Dad hon if you have to speak to him.

My day was ok. Didn't do too much. Had a big one yesterday so just chillin today.

Yep, just don’t want it to impact my family and don’t want to miss out on any events @Snowie

Did I read somewhere your house sold?