My Mosaic

Hey @Jynx bit tired today, didn’t sleep the best last night, own terrible fault 😞

I’m gonna use it as a journal of some type. Not so much to write loads in, but maybe like a quote and then make it all pretty. With a junk journal I think the idea is that you stick all sorts of stuff in it. Junk. Random bits of paper you find. Receipts, bit of packaging. Stuff.

I painted a bit this morning. Took all my crafting stuff downstairs and set things up. I’m gonna go labeling mad now and label everything with my cricut.

what you get up to today?

Love to see what you do end up sticking in it @Bow hehe

OMG I am picturing you running around absolutely wild just labelling everything. Like

SHOE

ROOF

DOOR HANDLE

CRAFT SUPPLIES

MORE CRAFT SUPPLIES

SURPLUS OF CRAFT SUPPLIES

SILLY GOOSE (applied to forehead of daughter)

Teehee

I also slept poorly so mostly just bumming around today, did a little pottering and cleared off my bathroom sink but legit a very slow one for me today hey!

I got frustrated with my labeling cause the vinyl would stick @Jynx so I gave up and will save that for a day when I got more capacity.

My SW called today, knew she was working. She said bad news, not going to be in Monday or Tuesday. Totally legit reason. But I feel abandoned. I have my pdoc appointment on Tuesday and she said she’s put it down for someone else to come but it will be a casual worker who knows zero. Really needed that extra support to bring up all the issues around my psych going on leave and her not being replaced.
feel so stupid that I’m letting this effect me so much, but that abandonment is huge for me. My psychologist is already going and now my SW is gone.

Hi @Bow ,

How are you today?

@Bow those abandonment feelings are soooo real hun - even if it is completely reasonable for her to have cancelled, your needs are still going unmet. It's not about 'letting' it affect you - it just affects you, because feelings don't follow logic. And because you have a need for clarity, stability, predictability, and agency; so I see nothing 'stupid' or 'inappropriate' about your reactions to a situation that robs you of these.

In preparation for this 'casual' worker - could you convey some things to your SW that you would want that person to know about but that you wouldn't want to have to explain?

@tyme Been a bit of a rollercoaster of a day but been feeling rather spirally this afternoon.

I played around with my cricut. Trying to get clearer images with the print and cut feature. And then made some labels, but gave up cause the vinyl wouldn’t stick properly.

how was your day?

I still feel stupid @Jynx selfish. I think about it and why she has had to cancel and inside my head is all swearing and yelling at myself.

Unfortunately my SW has gone now and I won’t speak with her again til Wednesday hopefully. Can’t give her words to prep the casual worker with. I don’t know what will be worse; going in there alone or going in there with someone I don’t know and then not feeling comfortable enough to talk?

@Bow two things can be true. You can hold space for understanding her reasons, but still feel abandoned and let down. It is the whole 'I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the situation' thing.

We have been socialised within a punitive justice ideology - which basically means that at every level of society, when there's a conflict of any sort (and I don't mean verbal, I mean like conflicting needs) then there's a 'problem' and that means someone is automatically at fault.

Since you know it's not her fault, your brain defaults to it being your fault for feeling upset. But you have every right to be upset - doesn't mean you automatically are blaming or letting her down by having that reaction.

Hmm... guess you can 'feel it out' a bit when you meet them? Maybe you can get away with writing out some notes, since they're unfamiliar. Bit of bg info (and anything you find difficult to share openly, but feel it would be helpful for them to know) and like, what you find helpful/unhelpful for support. Like I know you struggle to find your words, so you could request that they give you lots of prompts for sharing and stuff.

Hmm ‘I’m not mad at you I’m mad at the situation’, that makes sense @Jynx it really does. Thank you.

yeah will have to see who it is and see how I’m feeling on the day.

I could write some stuff down too. That’s a good idea

You're so welcome @Bow I hope it ends up going better than expected. How are you feeling about it all now?

Oh so guess what? I'm taking some time off. It totally crept up on me but I am gonna be away basically the rest of August. Spring cleaning and ADHD burnout recovery! Gotta catch up on all my silly little adulting tasks, and try to get my clutter room sorted. I know I've been talking about it forever but it's now at a point where I'm avoiding starting any new art projects cos I haven't got the space and/or the supplies are buried under crap. I am noticing that not being able to engage in my leisure activities is having an impact! So it's Jynxy self-care time 😊

Lawd I will miss you all though!