My Mosaic

I'm so glad you got some sleep @Emelia8

I've been in bed all day, rough day.

I"m sorry @Bow 😔🌹

How is your little girl?

Its cold here today, and I really dont want to get out from under the doona.

I see you there too @Anastasia 😄 Hows things in your household, and is your Dad feeling better?

@Emelia8 My d is at vacation care today. Wasn't sure whether she would be able to go with lockdown, but they were still taking kids. I hope she has had a good day. It will be a long 2 weeks of holidays stuck at home so I'm glad I booked her in for vacation care a couple of days each week.

think cause this cold/flu is knocking me about so much it's really getting to me. I've not been this sick for a long time. Finding myself going down dark rabbit holes so easily and don't have much will power to fight it.

I don't want to move from my doona either, but will need to go get d soon.

hi there @Anastasia

I've not been in such a good place today. Everything feels so bl**dy hard at the moment. My ED is hard. It's slowly destroying me. I don't feel like I am making any progress with the number of support that I have in place. I don't know what to do with myself most of the day and every day is a constant battle.
tonight I have chatted and called a helpline in a last ditch effort even though deep inside I didn't believe anyone could save me. I'm sick of wasting everyone's time, feeling like I'm just going round and round the same mountain digging myself deeper into a pit that I can no longer get out of. Not able to engage properly with the helpline I said goodbye.
next minute my d wakes up crying. Couldn't tell me what was wrong just that she wants to be with me. Maybe she is the only one that can save me? I am distraught tonight. She has settled in the bed next to me. But I am so torn in this shitty life. Don't want to stay but can't go.

just adding that I am safe I'm sorry.

Hi @Bow I was happy to read that you're safe. It sounds like you had a lot on your mind yesterday. I hope today is a better day.

Sending care 💙

Happy that you are safe @Bow

Squishy virtual hugs by the truck load sweetheart 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

How do you deal with the constant shame of your mh?? I'm sitting outside the hospital waiting for my step dad to pick me up. I was woken by the police at 6:30am this morning, had no idea what was going on. I did call lifeline last night... but that was bloody last night? 9pm! Any kind of SI had subsided by now, yeah I'm still feeling rotten, and miserable, but gosh. I don't even know what to do with myself now.

im safe. No need to check in with me.

but I just don't know what to do with my life. This can't keep happening. I can't keep having to call lifeline and be carter off to the hospital for them to discharge me and send me home swimming in a pool of shame.

I don't want to be alive anymore but I can't do anything about it. I feel so angry inside. A storm is brewing. But what can I do. I hate my bloody life. I hate the burden that I am constantly putting on my family.

Oh @Bow

That would be extremely traumatic, I am so sorry that has happened. 😔

I hear you sweetie and I have an abundance of squishy hugs and love for you and a listening ear if you need a chat?

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Thanks @Anastasia I'm home now laying in bed. I don't know what to say to my family. The drive home was in awkward silence. When this happens nothing is spoken about it again. Mum just gave me a hug and said she loves me. But that's all that it will ever be. And I now have to hand over the weeks supply of medication that I've gone and got filled. I'm not even allowed to have control of that anymore. It's all so shitty.

I'm so sorry, you've got enough to deal with.

my body aches for peace. For life to be easy for just a moment.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so over everything.