My Mosaic

@Snowie how did your appointment go? I'm sorry you have been in lockdown again and having your appointments changed to Telehealth. I get how difficult they can be. I hope that you were able to get something out of it.

@Emelia8 been thinking of you a lot. I truly hope that you have been travelling ok. Sorry I have not been here.

My appointment went ok @Bow Thanks for asking.

It is difficult through telehealth but I guess it is better than nothing.

I’m ok thanks @Bow about to watch Origin with the family but I’m going to bed at half time.

💜🙏💜

Hi @Bow

Oh my goodness your mosaic is amazing. I love it! I read a couple of the early pages of this thread and I am glad to see that you have survived and are still here. Nice to meet you.

Meggle

HI Meggle, nice to meet you too and thank you. 🙂 I see that your a bit of a newbie, hope that you are finding the focums helpful and friendly 🙂

i have some time this morning while enjoying some sun through my bedroom window to write a bit of an update for those interested.

Since my hospital stay in April, ive generally been doing a bit better. I seen my psychiatrist shortly after being discharged and had some additional medications added, which i feel has made a big difference. I hate that I am on so much medication, but if it helps, then ill take it. I seen him... or spoke to him last week too. I still very much hate these telehealth appointments. last week they didnt have any internet so he called instead... after i had already driven an hour away to where i normally go.

Community mental health referred me to a program ran by beyond blue called finding your way back. its a peer support program for those who have had a recent suicide attempt. even though i told them all that that was not my intention, thats what they reported and if it means that i get some extra support i guess its ok. its only a 12 week program, but they help with all sorts of things, work, study, support... a friendly face to talk to. Ive meet with my peer worker a few times and i just really appreciate having someone face to face to talk to who actually gets where my head has been at and doesnt judge, doesnt try to fix things and just listens. I think i will ask if they know of an ongoing program like it in my area as i really do appreciate that kind of face to face support.

I have started studying. I looked into this earlier in the year, but just never did anything about it. Ive started at TAFE, studying health administration. I was excited to start, but was very quickly overwhelmed with the work load and what i needed to do. But i have got into the swing of things, have completed and passed 2 assigments and a quiz. Its all online apart from needing to go to a face to face session to show them i can wash my hands and put on PPE correctly. I have 18mths to complete it but am already way ahead. It has been good for me to have something to focus my attention on, although i can only do it in snippets before my brain feels fried. But i am enjoying it.

My ED is still a constant battle. I sat in my psychologist appointment recently trying to put into words the intensity of the war that goes on in my head between knowing that my body needs nourishment and my ED not wanting to eat. It really is debilititating at times and causes alot of distress for me. I get stuck in downward spirals, engaging in ED behaviours until I start to feel the physical side effects of the ED and then I have to force myself to eat. And then the cycle begins again. Ive seen my gp this morning, she had already read my discharge letter and called it a hiccup. I was anxious about my appointment, but she was ok, but said that what i am doing to my body is not good and things need to change.

Ive been wanting to discuss with my gp for some time now the possibility of seeing the professor that diagnosed me, and she actually bought it up today and said to go for it. So i have contact her today and hopefully she will still see me cause my current pdoc is still very dismissive of my ED. He just seems to want to medicate me and ensure that I am seeing people. If i can get on top of my ED issues then alot of my other mental health issues would resolve themselves I think. At least alot of my SH and SI.

if youve read this far, thanks!

Of course I read your update @Bow 😄 I am always interested in hearing how everything is going there for you. And you are dealing with so much. 💝

There are lots of positives happening for you lately Bow, and I am so proud of you for persevering and making it all possible. Some really major achievements there. Well done you. 👍🌸

Emelia 🌹

Thank you @Emelia8 i do still have such a long way to go with my ED, often feels like 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I don't see the progress at all, but my dietitian assured me that I am moving forward. She said that fact that I can recognise the battle between the ED and healthy self (HS) is a huge step. I've started using an app that my dietitian recommended that she and my psychologist are linked into. It's been good because I log a lot of my thoughts in it which they can then read and then we can talk about them in sessions. It's scary sometimes, knowing that others can read the deep scary thoughts that I have, but I just have to remember that it will be helpful in the long term.

@Emelia8 how are you doing? How did your appointment go today? And sweet little Holly?

@Emelia8 just read your update. I'm so sorry that physical examination are so triggering for you. I sadly know that feeling all too well. I have an oncologist review next month and had to have a scan, including an internal one, which was hugely triggering for me. I don't think the folks who do them have any idea really, how traumatising those kind of things are, and probably like many others, I just lay there screaming inside, waiting for it to be over, triggered by the memories that I had no control over what was happening.
I'm really sorry it was difficult for you.
🤗❤️