My Mosaic

Forums is the place to be then hey @Bow we got you hun. Awww plus @rav3n @Snowie too, bless y'all. We are all here to support our Bow! 😊

Just cleaning up the mess my daughter has left all over my bed yet again 🤬 @rav3n

then I am crawling into bed. Just had my meds so won’t be off to sleep for a little bit yet.

Thanks @Jynx @rav3n @Snowie

@Jynx you think it’s ok to tell…. ask… my SW for a home visit? That I really feel the need for one?

@Bow just love cleaning my bed when i need to be inside it most 🙃 sometimes i just throw everything onto a chair and tuck myself in, problem for tomorrow hehe.

hope you get a good night's sleep tonight, do you have much on tomorrow? 💜

Urgh yes… the good ol throw it on the chair! @rav3n My D uses my iPad to play games, once it’s out of charge she goes to my room to charge it, but continues to play and is currently into paper crafts, so lots of cutting and colouring in. I’ve already told her that there will be new rules in the new house.

tomorrow. It’s all up in the air. We waited all day to hear from a real estate that said they’d call about a house and they never called. We’ve missed out on another house cause we really want this one. So hopefully…. Maybe… we’ll hear in the morning and be going to sign a lease and get keys? Otherwise I’ll go to arts and craft.

Do I think it's okay for you to ask your supports for the support you need @Bow?

Hmmm.... lemme think....

Hahah of COURSE hun! They may not be able to say yes, but you won't know if you don't ask!

I gotta dash, be gentle with yourself, fingers crossed for some good news tomorrow! Chat again soon 🫂🫂

ahh i see!! so cool that she's really into paper crafts at the moment... but i can imagine the mess, the tiny lil scraps everywhere oh gosh 😅

@Bow that's hard with the housing situation, got my fingers crossed that you get to sign the lease tomorrow. arts and crafts sounds like a great back up too.

gotta go, good night 💙

Feeling a bit miserable today. Thought it might have been allergies from all the cleaning and packing and dust that I find. But feel like it’s a bit more than that.

did go to arts and craft this morning. I facilitated Mother’s Day cards again. 3 clients made cards and it was nice to see the pride at their finished work. I made 2 cards for other clients that didn’t want to make them. They appreciated it.

I left early though. Just struggling. Feeling very alone. Not heard. Not cared for. Don’t matter. Home to the couch and a blanket.

Well no call from the real estate again today. I called at 4:30 but she didn’t answer so I left a message.

I sent my SW a text last night telling her I ain’t been coping and that if she had time I’d really appreciate a home visit. She replies this morning, said she was busy today and we had groups and then tomorrow I have my psych appointment which she meets me there and sits and waits with me. (This is not conducive of proper conversation, it’s often a highly anxious, overstimulating environment and zero privacy). I seen her at the office, she was there with another client for group. She hardly said hello. (Cue internal dialogue that they just use me to facilitate group and don’t care about how I am- cause no one even asked or showed any care). fast deep spiral to follow. Urgh.
just so over it all. None of its easy.

Oh @Bow, that is so incredibly frustrating about the RE agent!

And I am hearing how much you were wanting to get that support from your SW. It is hard, it sounds like you feel like you're simply not a priority for anyone right now.

Do you and your SW use scales (like the suicide scale, out of 10 for e.g.) to signal the level of support you might be needing? That way it might be easier to communicate to her when you might need her to try to make you a priority.

Something else important to remember is that even then, there's simply going to be times when she's not going to be able to fit you in. That is not about either one of you and is a systemic issue. But that doesn't mean you can't find ways to build safety and reassurance into the relationship anyway!

For e.g. if sitting with you in a waiting room is insufficient for your needs right now, let her know. Like 'hey that's okay if I'm at a 4 or 5 but I'm at a 7... can you please also try to make another time for me.'

It might be that time is a little further away than you wanted. But it's something to hold onto to help you reassure yourself. That counts for a lot sometimes. And it means she will know that your needs are higher so if she can't meet them, maybe she can still help you figure out another way to do so 💜