@Jynx I got turtle chips today. Had just one to taste. They are very tasty. Tried to get D to try. Nope. They look gross 🤦🏼♀️
seen my psych this morning. Stupid bow. Can’t do anything right. Just wasting everyone’s time. She asked how I was… yep good thanks. No bow. You’re not good. Not even ok. Can’t even answer that simple question right. Gave her the dissociation questionnaire she gave me last session. All crumpled up and dirty, been sitting in bag a fortnight and I quickly filled it in this morning.
‘Was there anything you wanted to focus on today ?’ Lotsa silence. I really could not think! Felt weird. Different. Was like looking into a deep dark abyse and there being absolutely nothing there. Nope I said. ‘What’s the last fortnight been like then?’ Pretty much a lot of the same I told her and then she wanted to know what that looked like!?? Argh. The same stuff. You know. Urgh. I couldn’t even find words for that. I eventually told her about all my appointments, tests, moving and packing. We eventually some how talked a little about goal setting over the coming months until June when she goes on leave for a bit. I just want things to be different. None of all the SI and SH and all the spiraling over sometimes small stupid things.
Then we focus on yesterday’s spiral. From when I walked in the door, being asked all the questions, needing my attention straight away, the self talk, what happened on here. And talking about where I could have possible intervened to slow/stop the spiral.
So yep, I failed again. I let her walk all over me. I can’t be honest with her.
My SW was away today, she’s not back til Tuesday. She organised for another lady to meet me at health and wait with me before my appointment. She just sat there. Really needed the distraction, but she didn’t say anything.
I got my helix, tragus and daith put back in after my appointment. Went to the piercing place at the shops. Shops were mad. People need to chill.. shops only closed for one day! I got my Easter shopping done though. Matching pjs for D and I!
And as soon as I walked in the door I get bombarded again @Jynx !! Like for frig sake. I’ve just had a psych appointment and been to the shops. Let me breathe! Urgh