My Mosaic

Hi @Bow

I agree with @tyme You are doing what you can to survive. We do not choose this life, to be like this. It is not lying, it is surviving. There are things I've done and gotten that I'm not proud of, things I've had that I have handed over to my psych. That within itself shows courage. Shows just how much you will do to survive.

You are going through so much and still are able to put one foot in front of another. You are able to go to your groups, you are able to see your supports, you are able to be a mum. You are achieving things even though you are going through so much.

You are not a burden hon, no where near it. You deserve to be put first, to have help. I don't think you realise but to a lot of us you are an inspiration. You achieve so much yet deal with so much at the same time. You are an amazing person.

Wish I could believe your words. They just seem to bounce and that inner critic starts screaming at me.

how is it surviving?? How is lying about what I have surviving? I hate dishonesty and it’s exactly what I do. I hate myself. The bad reason that I have become. And they all see it. They all see the pest that I am. That’s why they don’t care anymore. Why they ignore my cry’s.

We are our worst critic @Bow I get it.

My inner critic is so strong, so loud, so real

It's so easy to put that blame and hate onto ourselves, yet we see the good in others. We see how others achieve so much yet when it comes to ourselves, we so easily see the bad.

You are not alone in feeling this way hon. You are not alone in thinking your cries for help are dismissed. You are not alone.

What’s the answer @Snowie @tyme ???

Hey @Bow , I don't think I have an answer to give you. This self-discovery can't be done for you.

Do you think your schema therapy will help in the long run?

Why I'm saying this is that with my MBT, I didn't see any difference until after 12 months of intensive therapy...even then, the real change didn't happen until about 24 months. I don't know if schema therapy is similar?

I wish I had the answer for you @Bow

I wish I had the answer for me too.

All I know is that it's so easy see the good in others than ourselves.

@Bow ,

I hear how much you want support.

Are you able to articulate to your team what support explicitly looks like?

It sounds like they don't actually know what to do. Do you think that is accurate to say?

Good morning hon @Bow

I realise yesterday was a really hard day for you.

Just leaving some 💕💕here for you, hoping today is at least a little better.

I’ve had a really crummy day today. Couldn’t get myself to my psychologist appointment. My anxiety was stupid high and I just couldn’t bare to see anyone let alone be vulnerable.

spent a lot of time in bed hiding.

I did message my SW and apologized for not being honest with her. She messaged… and called later and said she understood. She’s not working tomorrow, so nothing now until Monday. That feels overwhelming. But oh well. Gotta deal.

im spiraling. Fast. My heart is racing. Palpitations. Doesn’t feel nice.