My Mosaic

Every weeks session is hard @rav3n i messaged my SW on the way home…. Saying is this ever going to get easy, each week is just as hard as the previous one.
It’s hard cause there is only the 2 of us mostly. So kinda gotta engage and participate. Nowhere to really hide.

I’m just watching some tv. I’d really like to go to bed but a show starts tonight that daughter and I want to watch.

sorry to hear you're feeling shattered @Bow, my heart goes out to you. i know today took a lot out of you, i'm really glad you've been communicating with your SW about how your feeling too.

oh yes i see what you mean, it is much harder to hide in a small group... but also means you get more time prioritised on supporting you?

that's so nice you're staying up to watch a show with your daughter! hopefully she falls asleep soon so you can sneak off to bed too 😊

hoping that you'll feel more energised after you get some rest ✨

i'm going to leave the links here in your reach if you'd like to reach out tonight, i know today's been tough and you deserve the space to talk it out:

Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

@Bow 💌💌

Yes I know what I need to bloody do. I know exactly. If I could do that…. We would not be having this conversation and I would not be in this situation.

Here with you @Bow

❤️

Honestly how does one get better and recover when they feel so stuck and such a massive part has no desire to recover. The extent of self hatred and self loathing is far greater than my desire to do the things they tell me to do to get better. It will always be a barrier. Fat. Disgust.

hey @Bow i know it might be hard to see the bright side of things right now but i do want to remind you that recovery isn't linear. there will be ups and downs, and barriers as you've mentioned but the good news is that there's ALWAYS a way to overcome them eventually.

i'm sorry that you're feeling a lot of self-hatred/self-loathing right now, i know that feeling can be quite icky at times. please don't forget to speak kindly to yourself, you matter to us 💗

The self hatred is constant @rav3n thats why recovery feeels so out of reach. I’m angry, frustrated, disappointed, I feel so hopeless. I can’t imagine living a life feeling like this forever. It’s relentless. No one can help me, I’ve had so many people and no one can help makes things better.

@Bow it must be so overwhelming to carry around all those heavy feelings constantly. i hear your frustration. focusing on recovery might be like focusing on the finish line of a marathon - it might feel too distance and impossible to reach. but when we break it down and just focus on the little steps before that, it feels more doable. is there a little step we can focus on for this week, would that be helpful/something you'd like to try?

I'm here for you if you'd like someone to sit with you, let me know what you need 💗