My Mosaic

Of course @Bow catch you next time lovely! Glad to catch up, chat to ya next time 💜

D and I went to church this morning. First time since Mother’s Day. Felt a bit weird being there, it’s our church home, and people ‘welcome’ us back, which feels awkward. It was nice to see people, however brief it was.

this afternoon I’ve been on the treadmill and just pottering around doing stuff. Things kind of go back to normal tomorrow with mum being back home.

ED trigger warning

Im still struggling a lot with my ED. It pretty much ruled everything while mum was away. And now that she is back I am all angry and irritable. She doesn’t let me get away with things like I did when she was away. I think my SW is the only one that really understands how bad things have been lately. I told my psych last week a little bit but she didn’t really seem that interested so I didn’t continue. My CM didn’t really seem bothered by it either.
I feel like that cause I am doing this schema group that some of my support team think it’s the magic fix. Well IF it’s to be the magic fix it hasn’t helped yet. If anything it just makes me more aware of things.

well it’s 5pm on the dot and my cat has started whining for dinner.

Hey @Bow !

How are you! Coffee hit you don't say! I was up most of the night. I had four coffees lol. My car didn't take long. It's only done 1700kms or so, so there wasn't much to do. At least they washed it for me 🙂

How are you nails? Did you say you put Mickey and Mini Mouse stickers on your nails? If so, how cute!

Have you realised that everything that comes from Temu comes in all this plastic packaging? It stresses me out lol.

Anyway, that's a first world problem.

What did you get up to today?

I went to church in the morning.

Oh 4 coffees @tyme ! Caffeine doesn’t seem to affect me much…. Unless it’s just all my meds of a night! Oh you got a new car?? That’s cool. Me too… well not new, just new to me.

im liking my nails. Purple with Minnie and Mickey stickers.

and yep, that’s the annoying thing about Temu. It all comes in heaps of plastic. My last order there was something in there that I had no clue what it was! Had to log online and check what I ordered.

I posted below what I did today. We went to church too.

Yeah, I've had the car for a few months now @Bow . It's pretty smooth to drive.

Do you know now many times I buy things online and when it comes, i have no idea what i've purchased??? Or i buy a few. I bought some shoes recently and didn't realise I bought 2 of each shoe (as in two pairs). I didn't even check the price and paid. No wonder I paid about $500! My fault. So I had to take the extras back to the physical store and refund them.

Oh dear, I don’t think k I’ve accidentally bought 2 of something @tyme but I have accidentally been sent 2x my orders. Happened a couple of times, both times just told to keep them.

im feeling a fair bit emotional tonight. Not real sure why. But have just crawled into bed and wrapped myself up right in my fav blanket.

do you have a busy week??

Hugs @Bow .

Have a cry if you need it.

I'm a bit of a softie tonight... I feel teary reading people's posts here.

Nah, I don't think I've been sent double, but I paid for double! I'm thinking, why would I need that many pairs of shoes?

As for my week, it's so busy that I feel I don't have my head on properly! I've still got a lot to do after I finish here tonight.

I'm taking most of Wed off to get things done too.

Oh well. I'd rather stay busy.

One thing i really have to say is that whenever I think of you, your creativity is so so so inspiring. You really are soooooo talented Bow. Hold onto it. There is so much in you. We need you.

Morning @Bow

Hoping things are going ok hon.

Sending lots of 💕💕

It’s hard to engage in group when things are already feeling really hard. It took a lot to get myself ready and to group today.

We always do a check in first, sharing where we have noticed a schema mode present during the last week. I just shared how things have continued to be really difficult with the ED over-controller very present and now that mum has got home how it has become sneaky. I shared in what ways it has been sneaky.
The facilitator pointed out how the inner critic what’s been present in certain situations too. Sometimes I am not so much aware of the critic.

The other girl shared similar experiences. I don’t know where the third girl has gone. But haven’t seen her in weeks.

But then they pulled out this image of different shaped women. Very triggering for me to look at. We brainstormed what the inner critic would say in general, we didn’t have to pick a woman, but it was obvious which one was the focus. The board was full of put downs, slander, abuse and horrible words. Then we brainstormed what the ED over-controller would say in response to all of that. Then they turned the picture over to a photo of 4 little girls. What would we say now????? That was the hardest for me. I couldn’t look at the photo. And they bought out the poster with the photo of us as kids. I can never look at that.
We both started dissociating so we had a break.

We didn’t really do much more after that. I had reached my limit and I think so had the other girl.

We finished early, but I had a really rough drive back home. Struggling with nausea a lot today, my head feeling a bit weird and tired.

hey @Bow i'm so sorry to hear that today's group session was triggering for you, i can see that it's drained a lot of energy from you - please do rest up!

i do want to say that i'm really proud of you for getting ready, attending the group session and doing your best to engage - it takes a lot of courage to show up and participate.

do you have any self-care plans for tonight?