My Mosaic

Ah yes I remember now @Eve7 how long have you got to go??

Yes, I really like how they have done. It’s a small group, 4 of us, and 2 facilitators and they are very much making sure they are keeping an eye on all of us and reading the room alot. I was very close to needing to get up and leave for 5 mins, but they gave me the end of the string. It helped a little bit.

I have a box of sensory toys @PizzaMondo and I had every intention of grabbing some of them but I forgot and I had a Quick Look at Kmart on my way but they really didn’t have much. Might need to find something else. I’d actually like to take a fluffy soft round cushion. But yes I play with my rings too. I got many on my fingers! And my foot/leg gets going too.

I’ll watch neighbours, home and away and then the summit. Hopefully somewhere in there I can go crawl into bed

I just wanna go to bed

want the day to be over

prn making me feel weird

@Bow I'm sorry things are so tough hun. I'm sitting with ya deary, big huggles a-plenty 🫂

Just had a wee peep and saw your posts about group today, sounds like there was a LOT of intensity to the whole shebang. Be very exhausting for sure. How often do you go, weekly? I'm glad they're very vigilant for ensuring emotional safety in times when someone is heightened - especially in a group setting. Was there anything you learned, realised, or felt positive about from the experience?

Good morning @Bow

Hoping you got some sleep last night and today is going well.

Lots of 💕and hugs

Hey @Snowie thanks for stopping by. I’m feeling a bit crummy today. But tired…. But still on the mill…. 😩 it’s a different kind of tired I think. Mental and emotional tired.

went and had a cuppa this morning with my SW, then went and had my blood pressure checked and then my bloods.

bout to get off here and get ready to go to arts and craft.

@Jynx hey my friend. Just acknowledging your message from last night. I fell asleep sorry. But will reply later today when I get home.

Hey @Jynx

I have group every Monday, although having next week off as one of the facilitators is away. Life gets a bit busy at times so the Monday off groups will be good.

Yesterday’s group was real intense cause of that photo. I did email the facilitator this morning, and she could tell that it was hard, but was impressed by how I coped. Guess that’s a good thing eh?
Yesterday we looked at the inner critic and how our responses usual fit under fight flight or freeze and we do that to protect the inner child and prevent us from feeling or experiencing anything uncomfortable. Think it was helpful to understand how it all flows. That took up most of the first part and then we did that photo thing.

@Bow yeah absolutely call that a win! I can hear that this group has been pretty full on - but I reckon that's a good thing. High intensity, high impact.

I haven't thought about how our inner critic is related to our stress response, but it does totally resonate with my experiences. And the idea of that part of us trying to protect us from uncomfortable experiences is super reminiscent of Internal Family Systems therapy - that we have an inner 'protector' who may suppress things or prompt us to flee from uncomfortable situations. I just went and found an article about IFS inner critic, if you're curious. I just skimmed it for now but it seems interesting 😉 Haha now I feel like I'm giving you homework after an already intense morning!!

How you travelling this arvo? Got much on this evening?

Yeah that makes sense @Jynx it’s all a bit complex but slowly getting my head around it I think. It’s a slow process for sure… for me anyways. Especially hard when there are other things inside my head competition for attention.

this afternoon…. I ain’t doing overly ok. Waiting for my gp to call…. If she calls. I had bloods this morning and she usually calls with results. I’ve been getting a lot of heart palpitations and flutters.
I had a visit from my CM this arvo. She wanted to check in on me with the start of these new stimulant meds. They were all a bit concerned with the increase in energy and motivation and a still low mood. May give me motivation to do things. That’s certainly been there. I think this is where I struggle with people perceiving me as being ‘ok’. She often refers to me as a completely capable person. And while yeah I can be…: this extra motivation with a low mood ain’t an ok place to be in. It’s freaking scary at times. Yesterday driving home from group was really scary cause I was in a bad way.

@Bow aye for sure, and you can take as much time as you need to wrap your head around it all. And of course, always welcome to post about your process to help you work through it, and to help you retain the info too!

Hmm yeah I can absolutely understand the concern. I suppose the intention was that with more motivational energy you would have more capacity to get out and do things that you enjoy, and that help your mental health. But it can also just be motivation for the unhealthy stuff too eh? I found that when I first started stimulant medication I had to work on pointing myself in the right direction. I remember a time when I first started out where I had assignments due, but I ended up playing a video game for 10 hours straight... 😅

I'm curious about this struggle with being perceived to be okay, I know it's come up in our convos before but if you wanted to unpack it a bit further lemme know.

I’ll be sure to post on here as I unpack it all @Jynx at least what I can post. They have…. Or are .. creating a fairly safe environment for us to share. So I like that.

Oh yep there certainly is the opportunity for unhealthy things to occur. I’m finding that with the treadmill already. But yeah… when my heads in a bad place there really is the potential for things to go badly very quickly. I tried to flag that with my CM today but I don’t think she got it. She jumped to it being my baseline and while yes it kinda can be my baseline, with this extra push… things are a bit different. Sigh. Why’s it all gotta be so hard and difficult.

Being perceived as being ok. I think I put my mask on a lot. I think people know my past and what I can be capable of (in a positive way) and it’s always this…. If you were to pass me in the stress you wouldn’t know I was unwell at all. I feel like I need to act and look more unwell. Then maybe when I share certain things people will take me seriously. It’s like it’s been ages since she’s made an attempt she won’t do it again. Oh how wrong they are