My Mosaic

Big hugs @Bow and I’ll be with you 💙

Thanks @Eve7 @PizzaMondo @Snowie

I walked into the ED and wanted to turn around and go back home- it was packed. It’s Monday. But my heart rate was super high when being triaged so I was taken straight through to resus. They took bloods…. But somehow they lost the important tube to test my potassium… so still waiting. Have been moved out of resus though. I’m frustrated…. Cause I heard the doctor talking about sending me home.

Hey @Bow - I'm back!

Totally legit to feel frustrated at that idea!! Sounds like you want to be in hospital cos it is where you feel safe right now. Maybe you could express that to the nurses/doctors?

Here for you hun 💜

@Jynx ! Hope I didn’t knock you over when I hug tackled you!

I just spoke with a nurse…. I actually had to go track one down cause no one had been to see me since I had come over from resus and I asked for something to eat…. sigh… that took effort. But apparently my bloods are worse than this morning… same as they were last time I came in. So let’s see what happens next.

I don’t necessarily want to be in here, but I know I am unwell at the moment. My heart races whenever I get up to do simple things and I feel it and a whole lot of other horrible symptoms and it’s really unpleasant. So I need to get that sorted, but really don’t want an admission.

im just very over this whole thing. My potassium has been low for a week and half. I’m over bloods and pills. Pills have obviously not helped to bring my levels up

but anyways…. How was your time off? The festival??

@Bow I am picturing you definitely knocking me over! But luckily there was a whole pile of squishy soft toys to break our fall 😋 Daww you make me all warm n fuzzy inside!!

Aye that would be pretty scary! And then feeling that would raise stress levels, which would make the heart beat faster in turn, and it's just a whole big cycle!!

I can understand being very over it! Would be so tiring - truly emotionally, physically, spiritually exhausting! I hope this visit helps you to get to the bottom of things.

I'm well! I was pretty wrecked last week, and got sick towards the end of the doof as well, so just been recovering mostly! But it was good, I got to dance a lot, see my friends, and ate some very tasty festival food (but yikes, the prices 😵). Good to be back though, my kitties missed me fiercely!

Oh also @Bow I just saw your painting from a little while back (it's taking me a hot minute to get through all my notifications lol) - and it's sooooo pretty! You do nebulae really well! And such a vivid expression of your inner world. Like it's beautiful, but also dangerous, and a whole galaxy of complexity. Love it!

I hope you get some good support at the ED @Bow , You deserve proper care.

Oh thank goodness for piles of soft toys @Jynx ! Sorry for knocking you over though but I missed ya.
that sucks about getting sick! Sounds like you had a good time though and it was refreshing for your soul! And oh yum food! I bet! Those places tend to have tasty food but yep expensive! Did your kitties give you lotsa head bumps on your return???

I’ve got a few bags of iv potassium to get through tonight and it’s so painful! So it’s slow going. And I’m hooked up to all monitoring which is annoying. Then they will probably just send me home. It’s this vicious cycle. Get my levels up, send me home, engage in ED behaviours, levels drop and here we are again. 😩😩

my psychologist gave me a flyer for a group that is starting in April @tyme i was going to tell you about this too. It’s a schema therapy group for eating disorders. Ran by my old psychologist! They had a chat to make sure there wouldn’t be any issues with me attending with her being my old psych and she’s all fine with it and I’m fine with it. I have to have an intake assessment first which I am worried about. I am concerned that one of the criteria will be that you are medically stable. And that’s a struggle for me. But the group sounds really good. I really relate with a schema therapy.

Thanks @Jynx ive done a few others that I got to show you too…. Haven’t posted many lately.

and thank you @Eve7 i wish there was better support here. It really frustrates me.

@Bow hehe you're so very sweet darlin, I don't mind getting knocked over if it's because of excitement!!

Yeah my kitties have been all sorts of affectionate! Even Razz, who is usually pretty skittish, has been sleeping on my bed! So cute 😊

Yeah I can imagine it's super frustrating!! I really hope that you can get into that group though, that sounds amazing! Would be a chance to break the cycle, to work in a way that resonates with you, and to connect to others along the way! When is the intake assessment? Maybe that's something you can chat to your CM and dietician about, is a plan for ensuring your health is stable enough to get into the group? Fingers and toesies crossed for you darlin!!