My Mosaic

As much as I wanna run and hide… I don’t think I’ll have much of a choice now. I think if I didnt show up… it would raise significant concern with my SW. So unless something happens between now and then I guess I’ll have to drag my butt there @Jynx 😩 it’s like I’ve opened a can of worms…. And I regret it now.

Oh that kinda sliding scale. I use to absolutely hate it. My old pastor use to always ask me that… and I would roll my eyes at him. But I actually really appreciate it when my MH supports use it. I think cause I struggle so much with verbalising things, it allows me to let them know how bad things are.
The guy from comm mh that called me on Saturday to check in with me uses it a lot. And he used it a fair bit on Saturday, but I think I got the scale around the wrong way with one question…. And he then thought things weren’t as bad as they actually were. And I felt too stupid to correct things.

maybe this is something to bring up with my team… that I find it helpful to use??

@Bow aye, I can understand that regret, but mad kudos to you for choosing the more difficult path - the one that is listening to your healthy self.

Naw hun, sounds more like a communication issue than you being stupid. Cos never in all these years have I thought of you as stupid! Might be that he didn't communicate the scale effectively enough! And besides, when we're in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode (should we call it Fs mode? lol) our capacity for comprehension and following instructions is reduced.

But hey, I reckon it's a great idea to ask for them to be used more! You're allowed to use the communication tools that work best for you. I think you mentioned that the card thingies that Captain24 has at their clinic would be useful too - perhaps you could make some for yourself? Like a card that says 'too dysregulated to focus' or 'non-verbal today, using phone to write notes', or like 'please help me with grounding' - stuff like that!

Thanks @Jynx that was all heaps helpful.

im gonna go write some stuff for tomorrow. I’ll put onto paper the sliding scales with all those suggestions you made cause they are all important. And I think I’ll make a copy of something… so that I can share it will my team and they can use it with me.
And I think I will make some cards too… make ‘em all pretty… maybe even one where I need them to ask me all them sliding scale questions.

thank you so much again for tonight and last night.

how are you? Are you off to your festival tomorrow?

@Bow oh you're welcome! Glad it is serving you well, and hope it continues to help you as you go. Gotta play to our strengths, right? And if writing is your strength, use it to your advantage 😉

If you end up making some pretty communication cards, feel free to share! I imagine they'd be helpful for everyone here. I am already picturing them, and knowing your art style they're gonna look amazing! 💜

Yep, so I'm off for a little while, I think I'm back on the 15th, which means back on the forums on the 19th. A pretty long break! I'm looking forward to it, except I have not started packing yet...woops. So mild panic about that lol.

A well deserved long break @Jynx ! I hope ya have a fabulous refreshing time. I’ll sure miss ya! 💜

im off to write and then sleep I think. 👋

Aww thanks hun. I'll miss you as well @Bow!! You and all the forums fam 😢

I'll send some love and dancey vibes out into the universe whilst I'm there, so they can zoot on through the ether and find you 💜

Rest well darlin, hope your appt goes okay and I look forward to catching up when I get back. Huuuuugs!! 🫂

I went to my appointment at comm mh this morning to see my temp CM. It was so frustrating. The last time I spoke to her I told her I wasn’t doing ok. And then today she says that when she last spoke to me I said I was doing ok??? It really felt like they are sick of me and that I should just know what to do when I am not doing well…. I sure as heck know what I wanna do… That I should basically make better use of my therapy sessions with my psychologist.

I walked out with my support worker and felt so disappointed and defeated. My SW asked how I felt it went and I said it was really frustrating and she agreed. I need more support at the moment and yes someone is going to call me later tonight… but really nothing else. I don’t even know what else could be put in place, but I’m tired. My SW turned to me and basically said well it looks like the only real person who can help is yourself. I just sighed. Didn’t say anything. If I could help myself… if I could do things to change me, I would do it.

After that appointment I went to my journaling group. I didn’t really wanna participate in the group activity or share anything. I just wanted to do some free journaling… which I eventually did. I wrote all about the battle raging in my head. Not wanting to be.

Hey @Bow

That sounds so tough. I'm sitting with you.

How was the free journalling? I'm glad you knew what you felt like doing in that moment to make you feel better, and to get out what was in your mind onto paper. I should journal more too, it's such a great way to express how you're feeling.

I mean it always helps to get stuff out of my head and onto paper @amber22 there has been lots in my head lately that I haven’t really been able to communicate. I think I got stuff out. But it makes it all so more…. Hmm real. Seeing it on paper. When it’s just in your head and no one has seen or heard it, it’s just different. But when it’s on paper, it like yeah wow, that’s what is inside me.