My Mosaic

Yeah @creative_writer its just so frustrating that they sent me home from hospital with things they wanted me to continue to do, but they have in no way supported me to do so. And they won’t return my calls.
yea D has been sick for a while now… day 7 off school today. But I think she will be ok to go tomorrow…. Finally. I want some time to myself! And I want my bed back!

how are you doing?

@Jynx For you my friend! Hope you day yesterday was fabulous 🎈

@Bow 😻 omg my kitties!! Sooo cuuuute!! I am soooo gonna print that one too! I still haven't gotten myself to officeworks lol but now I have even more reason to!! Omg I can't it's too cute 😭😭😍😍💜💜

Tried to copy their markings @Jynx! If I could send it to ya I would.

@Bow you did an amazing job! I've got some spare photo frames need filling, so they will deffo be on display soon 😊

I’m starting to get quiet the collection of drawings and paintings @Jynx been doing something most days. Here is todays….

@Bow aww playful little kitties! I love the style too!! I'm glad to hear that you've been doing so much art, it's so good for mind, body, and soul!

TW- ED

been outta hospital 2 weeks. That’s 2 weeks of doing ok. Doing what I should. Eating 3 meals a day. Trying to drink more. Exercise less. Engage in other ED behaviours less. Everyone tells me I’m doing well. Bloods are ok. keep doing what you’re doing they say.
but I can’t see that in my future. No I can’t. I am so bloody desperate to dive back into my ED behaviours. I contemplated it at dinner time tonight. My head is still such a mess. I still fight the demons in my head every minute of every day. Every meal. Every opportunity to do the right or the wrong thing.
pleaae don’t tell me that I won’t. Please don’t tell me that it’s a choice. Yeah maybe it is a choice, but it’s a choice that I’ve already made. The desperation in my head is too much. The hatred that I have towards myself will always win over anything else. Anorexia has a hold of me. Thin screams at me. Even though deep inside I know I’ll never get to that picture I hold inside, I will keep striving, keep aiming. Keep trying.

@Bow I can imagine it is an immense struggle hun, to feel so pulled towards those actions that your ED brain is begging of you. Two weeks is both aaages, and also a very short time - ages in that it might feel like you've had to fight for so long, but short in that it takes a while for us to create new habits, patterns, and routines. I think you deserve a LOT of credit for making it this far. And a lapse doesn't undo that progress, it's just about getting back into building your new rhythm. I hope in time you can see that there is nothing about you that deserves to be hated.