My Mosaic

I think I will still need to talk my way out of a psych admission once I am eating again @Snowie the gastro doctor came by today and said that I am all medically stable and that once my feeding is all sorted I’d be handed over to mh. She said the only reason I am on this ward is cause of my NG cause mh don’t allow them. 😩 I’d also like to have my schedule lifted too. I absolutely hate being scheduled. I’m not going to leave. So hoping that mental health come around in the next couple of days. I need to be home by next Friday- mum goes to tassie next weekend.

My support worker is in training tomorrow, so she’ll only call me, but she’ll be back Thursday for a visit. She is then away all next week, but someone else will pop in. And then she is back for when mum is away thankfully.

im not real sure how much my daughter understands of what is going on. She obviously seen my NG tube today and she has seen it before. I just tell her that’s how I am getting my medicine. I am very weary of telling her much more cause she will tell her dad.

mush can be tasty at times! I tried a couple of mouthfuls of soup tonight. It was nice soup. But just couldn’t eat anymore. They do have some nice mushy desserts too. And you have an excuse to eat all the ice cream you like!

when mum and D came this arvo we went downstairs to one of the cafes. And then went outside for some fresh air. Was nice to get out for a bit.

hi @Jynx 👋

Hey hi hello @Bow 😊

I'm glad to hear you're medically stable hun. Are you feeling better in your body now too? Sounds like it's gonna be more advocating and trying to push for you getting home before your mum leaves. Hope it ends up favourable for you 🤞

It's really hard to know how much to tell kids hey. After my sister left an abusive relationship, she really struggled with supporting her son to understand why they had to 'leave dad' (not his biological father). She ended up getting him in to see a psychologist to help him work through some of his emotional issues of abandonment. My sis says it's been really good for him, giving him some tools to help him cope with his intense emotional reactivity as well as helping to give both my sis and my neph some vocabulary that helps them to communicate their feelings and needs to each other. Do you think it could be something to consider for your little one? Give her a chance to start building her own lil coping toolkit, and provide a space for her to explore her emotions and stuff. Might also remove some of the burden from your own shoulders, and remove a lot of the guesswork of trying to explain complex mental health in age-appropriate terms.

Oooh all you can eat ice cream! Super jealous hehe. So glad you got a chance to get out and about this afternoon. Sometimes we just gotta touch some grass and look at the trees!!

I hope you can get things sorted out so you are home in time for when your mum goes away @Bow

It is hard what to tell our kids. Mine both know a fair bit but not details. It is hard because you want to protect them at the same time. I guess it does depend alot on their ages too. D asks a lot of questions and I try to be as honest with her as possible. They both know what,ECT is.

Glad you were able to get some fresh air. Nothing like a change of scenery.

@Jynx I am starting to feel a little better within my body. Not as depleted. It is very hard to just sit and rest though.

@Jynx @Snowie it is so hard to know what to say to my daughter. And my biggest fear is that she will go and tell her father. I don’t want him knowing anything. My old CM was rather pushy about my daughter getting in to see the school psychologist. A request was put in at some point but it never happened. Last year she was picked to participate in a special group, where the kids were taught about emotions, building confidence and relationships. And we have a pretty solid relationship and I try and teach her things that I learn. I don’t notice any major behavioural or emotional issues with her.
Is it selfish or… setting her up to fail or whatever… I don’t know what terms to use, but by preventing her from seeing a psychologist???

@Bow yeah I bet, sometimes doing nothing is the hardest thing to do!

Hmm... I don't think it's selfish or setting her up to fail, especially if she's not showing signs of significant emotional dysregulation or having trouble at school or anything like that. Mind you, I haven't any specific training in child/developmental psychology so take my words with a grain of salt. Perhaps that in itself is something you could do - see if there's anyone at the hospital who specialises or has an interest in developmental psych and see if they'd allow you to poke em with a few questions.

You could also ask your daughter - ask if she feels content/if she is happy within herself, ask if she worries about you or is ever scared of what is happening, etc. Maybe she is having a hard time at times, but wants to protect you and so isn't saying anything. But maybe not, it's hard to say - though inviting her to talk about it can also set up the expectation for her that if she ever does have difficulty with her emotions or anything, she knows that her mum has encouraged her to be open about it and not try to hide it.

Not wanting your ex to know stuff definitely puts a spanner in the works. Maybe that's something the folks over at 1800Respect might have some insight into?

I think when I was frequently in and out of hospital, she did struggle with that @Jynx and especially if she was around when police and ambulance have rocked up. I think I will have a conversation with her and ask her some questions and see if she has any questions though. That is a good idea.

Are you feeling some better today?

Whew, been really hectic last couple nights so my apologies for delayed responses again @Bow! I think that sounds like a really good idea 😊

I am feeling a bit better today! Thanks for asking 💜

And now, I am off!! Hope you have a chill evening hun, I'll catch you round tomorrow if you're about 🤗😉

I keep being reminded that I am only in this hospital bed cause mental health won’t take me with a NG tube. It makes me feel like such an inconvenience. That I am taking up a precious bed for someone else. And a waste of resources.

The mental health guy that I often see when I am on a medical ward came to see me today. I was glad it was him and not that other arrogant fella. He told me that the plan was for me to come across to them once I am eating again. I asked whether it was possible to just go home. Explaining that mum was going away next weekend and I needed to be home. Told him I would have plenty of support in the community and he said that shouldn’t be a problem! Just gotta get myself eating again.

Which feels like such an huge impossibility. Don’t think I can say much more. Might get in trouble.

I just went for my afternoon stroll outside. Sat and called my friend. It’s a bit chilly out today.

I did some drawing today….

Sitting here with you @Bow 💕💕

@Bow You deserve that bed as much as anyone else. Mental health issues are medical issues. No matter how our systems are set up otherwise.

I can imagine it's quite frustrating, hearing 'all you need to do is eat' - something perhaps said in such a simple way but that has such complexity, pain, and discomfort for you internally to have to overcome.

How was it chatting with your friend?

Also those paintings are really quite sublime! Such gorgeous words and beautiful, colourful arrangements. Wish I was in a field of wildflowers hey! Thanks for sharing 💜