My Mosaic

@Bow 🩵🩵💙🩵🩵

Here for you @Bow 💜

What do you need right now?

Aww @Bow 💜

Not gonna lie, that made me chuckle a bit. I have a very dark sense of humour that doesn't really get to come out on the forums and that was just such a dry/derisive response I couldn't help myself.

Would you like to have some more casual chats about stuff, keep your mind off the darkness?

@Jynx I took double my prn wooow really should go lay down…. Scared about tonight

Did you get to chat to your support worker about how things are for you @Bow?

Please look after yourself, be sure to reach out to nurse on call if the extra prn starts hitting you sideways 🤞

Yeah @Jynx we met in the carpark and she asked how I was…. I shook my head and said not ok. She said she understood, know that it’s a difficult day. We walked in and didn’t say much more.
Got my bloods done. She was a random today and really slow.
then on the walk back my SW asked whether I wanted to go grab a drink. I didn’t want to, but thought it might be helpful. She said that we needed to celebrate that I am still here. Understand why she said it, but I didn’t like it. Cause I don’t want to be here. As we sat and had our drink she asked me what I thought I seen for myself in the next year. I had no idea. It’s extremely difficult to see past the current day.

We then went our separate ways. I went and sat in my car at a park. I cried. Overwhelming emotions hitting me hard.

I did have my arts and craft group this afternoon. I really did t wanna go. Did t wanna see people. Didn’t want to pretend to be ok and happy.

I did email the SANE team @Jynx but haven’t heard anything. Knowing my luck they will call in a couple of days.

@Bow I'm glad you got to have a big cry, get some of it out. I know how hard it can hit when someone wants to celebrate what you consider to be a failure. Did you talk to her about how that made you feel? Could be worth bringing up next time.

Did you end up going to arts n crafts? How did it go?

I will touch base w the team and see if they received your email 😊

No I didn’t talk to her about how it made me feel @Jynx even though the comment was unhelpful, I did appreciate her taking the time to come have a cuppa with me.

I did go to arts and craft. We started some embroidering. Not really don’t that before. It was better than colouring in. But I still very much sat there thinking about things. I really do need to organise myself better and take some music for me to pop in my ears…. See if that helps drown out the noise. Otherwise I often get distressed. That’s what happened today. I left well before everyone else.

my CM called a few moments ago. Just calling to see how I was going. I told her I was really struggling and she asked if there was anything going on or any changes that might of caused that. 😩😩😩 I told her. I told her what I’ve done so far today. She asked me about my fluids, intake, exercise and other things. Nothing has changed.

I fessed up and told her I was concerned about today. That I had already taken some prn but that I am finding it more and more difficult to resist the thoughts of my SI. They are very strong and relentless. She didn’t seem to be overly concerned. I told her I wouldn’t be far out of bed. That would be ideal, but I doubt it will actually hope.