My Mosaic

Oh it is now @Bow hehe white and fluffy and soft, like a teddy (unlike actual clouds that are just... wet. Lol).

Day in bed sounds like it's needed hun. What's your little one up to today, keeping outta your hair whilst you're feeling yucky?

She’s just been doing her own thing. Mostly keeping out of my hair @Jynx

think I need to be honest with myself, that I’ve reach the point where I need to ask for help

A difficult realisation to have @Bow but I'm proud of you for being able to say it. Are you thinking like, hospital stay, or something else?

I really don’t know @Jynx i don’t know what I need, just know that I have got to the point of being so unwell today. Can barely stay standing. I can’t do this anymore. Bad thots

@Bow sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you, busy evening, and my belly rumbles forced me to take my dinner break haha.

Sounds like it's all piling up on you hun. I'm glad it's a day of rest for you.

It's okay to not know what you need. You've identified that you do need help, which is a huge first step. Next step might be to start writing out what your options are, and taking small steps towards what you need. That could be tomorrow's task, if it's too much for today.

Takes courage to be able to admit when we're not okay. I'm proud of you.

Thanks @Jynx

sorry it’s been such a busy night and adding to your busyness. Glad you got some dinner though, what did you have tonight?

I think I will try and talk to my team this week. I got bloods Tuesday, gp and psychologist Wednesday and pdoc Friday. Hopefully I have the courage to let one of them know I’m really not ok. I got a lot of temptations tonight

Not on you @Bow just the way the cookie crumbles here on the forums! Sometimes it's nice to be busy, especially when I'm doing this kind of work, where my passion for what I do means it doesn't feel like work at all!

I had leftover pizza tonight, but when I have time (probably tomorrow) I'm gonna cook up a big pot of pumpkin and mushroom risotto!

Good on you, talking to your team is an excellent next step! Perhaps writing some stuff down prior? I know you're like me and find it easier to open up about how things really are when just rattling off pre-written stuff.

How hectic are the temptations hun? You still got that email I sent with the things you can do to manage temptations? I can always send it again if you need.

That risotto sounds really nice @Jynx we have a thermomix and it makes a really nice mushroom risotto, the added pumpkin would be yum. You like to cook up big batches of things to last a few meals? That’s my kind of cooking. I don’t really like to cook.

yeah I will probably write a bunch of stuff down. It’s hard to acknowledge I’m at this point.

it’s all I’ve thought about today. Yeah I still got that list. Know what I should do. But other options feel more appealing tonight.

@Bow yeah definitely prefer to batch cook, I just don't have the time or energy to cook something every night. Heating up leftovers is where it's at! Let me know how you go adding pumpkin to your risotto! My hot tip - roast it in the oven first, with some thyme and rosemary, and maybe chuck some garlic in there too while you roast. Makes the pumpkin soooo much sweeter, and with crunchy edges - and the caramelisation from roasting then also spreads into the risotto, sooo good.

It is hard to acknowledge, but you have done so! I suppose it's easier to say it on the forums, but it also serves as a kind of practice run, typing it out here.

That's the tricky thing about temptation eh? Fighting the thing that your brain is telling you to be the better option. Take some deep breaths hun and give those things a try, or google coping tools ideas, or spend some time journalling... whatever you need to do to cope. You got this, I believe in you hun 💜

Thanks @Jynx hope ya know how much your appreciated

think I wil curl up in bed and try and sleep. Me chest is hurting bad tonight.

enjoy the rest of your weekend