My Mosaic

You around tonight @Jynx ?

Hey @Bow .

Hope you are okay. Yes, @Jynx is around but not around lol. I'll let them know you posted.

We're here for you.

Hugs

Hey @Bow I'm skulking about! How are you?

Hey @Jynx @tyme

struggling a lot still. Body. Mind.

just had comm mh…. Including my new CM stop by with my meds. Got asked so many questions. They concerned. Sigh.

@Bow aww hun, big hugs!

Lot's of folks concerned about you at the moment, myself included. Just curious about what that brings up for you/how it makes you feel?

People being concerned @Jynx ? To be honest it makes me feel uncomfortable. I think there is shame too…. But I don’t know. An inconvenience.
it makes me want to run and hide. Withdraw. Not see people.

Mm that's tough to content with @Bow, shame is so tricky, so insidious. I'm guessing the thinking is something along the lines of, 'If I weren't so unwell, people wouldn't have to spend so much time and energy on me; I am an inconvenience to them'? Cos, I dunno if it helps but, the time and energy I spend connecting with and supporting you is time well-spent in my mind. It feels like a privilege to be able to be there for someone, connect on that really raw, vulnerable level, and hopefully help them to feel less alone. I imagine many, hopefully most, on your treating team share these sentiments. I mean, in my experience, most folks on the front lines are really proud and more than happy to spend their time and energy to support folks. I mean lord knows we ain't in it for the money, haha most of us don't make those Big Bucks.

You're allowed to hide if that's what your instincts are telling you. Maybe you can also try to show yourself some self-compassion, some empathy? They seem to be the best antidotes to shame, in my experience. You DO deserve to have so many caring for you, you ARE worthy of their compassion. No matter what your brain says.

TW: Eating disorder and suicide ideation

@Bow you are having a RATIONAL response to the adverse events of your life. You're nursing serious psychological injuries, which were not your fault. To my mind, that makes you immensely deserving of the support you're receiving. You didn't choose this, and if it were as easy as just 'getting our shit together' no one would have any mental illness. And hey, maybe you are a lot of work, but it is work worth doing. I myself will never stop putting effort into supporting you and all our forumites, because it doesn't really feel like work to me. It feels like being a good human, feels like a 'raison d'etre' - a reason for being. You're not wasting resources, because these resources exist purely and entirely for people like yourself who have been through hell and back. The resources are for you Bow. There's no shame in needing community and care, solid structures of support, and regular contact with MH professionals.

Your brain might be disagreeing with everything I've said here, but I hope you can try to see that you are part of this world, and deserve to be in it. What is the point of society if we don't band together to care for the people who need it most?