My Mosaic

Thanks @NatureLover we went out this morning…. Driving back home the lawns looked nice! 😃

@Snowie so lovely to see your name pop up this morning! Hope you are doing ok and having an enjoyable time

Good on you for doing the lawns @Bow I hope today is ok for you.

I think the new year is just as depressing as Christmas was. I woke this mor…. whenever that was…. And looked at my Facebook memories. I use to post a reflective post, something meaningful about the year that was just about over. I haven’t done one for a couple of years cause in all honesty all I’ve really done is survive. And now as 2024 has kicked off and started I am filled with so much dread. I hear my ED loud in my head… this will be the year for such and such goals…. work harder…. Blah blah. I see nothing to achieve other than just surviving another year. No work. No study. No real goals. Just the same stuff different year. Survive another week.. another day… another minute. Who wants to live like that?
sorry to sound so depressed. But I am. No cheerfulness tonight.

anyways. Happy new year 💕

Hi @Bow , just surviving is a HUGE achievement. Especially with what you battle every day.

I saw something on Facebook that said this very thing.

I also don't think we have to put more pressure on ourselves by making goals and New Year's resolutions. I think just surviving is a worthy aim. I don't make goals or resolutions myself.

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@Bow wrote:

Just the same stuff different year. Survive another week.. another day… another minute. Who wants to live like that?

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I'm sorry about your hopelessness 😭 Sending wishes it will improve and that this year will be a better one for you 💜

@Bow 🩵💙🩵

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@Bow wrote:
So much dread and hopelessness tonight. Feels heavy on my chest.

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Sending wishes it will lift, @Bow ...

I see my pdoc tomorrow (and my psychologist, one after the other). I am so anxious about it.

Last time I seen her just before Christmas, she said that it’s been a number of years since my trauma that the anniversary of is coming up, and as it’s continues to impact me so greatly, it’s something that I’m going to just have to deal with. And that I need to come up with a way to do such.
I don’t know how to.
I wish there was just a magic wand that could make it all better. I wish I could just just in a Time Machine and fast forward to after it.

I got myself into a panic this afternoon thinking about the coming weeks. I want to hide.

Hey @Bow, Happy New Year 😊

It can definitely be hard to move on from painful memories of the past. Especially when it has altered the course of your life and caused such deep impacts. Perhaps that's something you could bring up with your psychologist? How to practice acceptance and taking steps towards living in the present moment?

It's understandable to be nervous about upcoming appts, but hopefully they turn out to be helpful and constructive for you 🤞