i went and had my bloods done this morning. went to the pathology place at my gp clinic, and seen the same lady that has been taking my bloods most weeks for nearly 2 months. she is kind. asked how my d was liking school. second time she asked if i was ok, first being after the appointment where i told my gp about what had happened. i said no and she offered to talk, but i declined. today, i thought about it for a moment, but again declined. maybe it would of been easier to talk to a stranger about it?
I went and had a quick wander at the shops and met a friend for a cuppa. i didnt really feel like it, but she had been asking for a while, so thought i should. i again thought about telling her what i am facing. but she lectured me about my lack of eating, reminded me that my body is a temple blah blah blah. in that moment i decided not to talk to her. i could hear her judgment and that wasnt something that i was prepared for.
i will have a sleep shortly, if i can. i thought about alot of stuff in the middle of the night. contemplated how much life could change soon, how much it has changed already and all without my consent. i remember when my marriaged end some years ago, i was devastated that my d was going to be my only. but now i am faced with this and its not what i would chose. not at all. my rights to my own body were taken away and now my rights to chose what happens to my body i feel like has been taken away. honestly dont know if i am strong enough for this. to make decision and follow through with them.
finding myself in a constant state of anxiety, it feel exhausting. perhaps there is another option out of this. easier. quicker.
