I had a pretty rough nights sleep. I think I woke every hour. I’m didn’t have any of my prn either, I think that might of contributed to it and other things that I did. Sigh.
I seen my pdoc this morning. She had a gift for me today. A box of effervescent electrolytes! She knew that I wouldn’t have gone and bought any after my last appointment as requested, so she bought me some! It was in a gift bag with a Christmas card. Very thoughtful.
She was pretty blunt with me this morning. Which was really rough. She works with these 2 parts of me, the adult bow…. And the punitive destructive part of bow. She said they are always both gonna be there, so we gotta work at them being side by side…. And not adult bow back in the shadows.
I think she seen a really vulnerable side of me today. I broke down over my upcoming trauma anniversary. We talked medication options and she has agreed to let me have the nightmare meds… but only for 2 weeks. I appreciate that, but feel like it’s a bit pointless considering the trauma date is mid January. I looked her in the eyes and told her I wouldn’t stockpile. And when the pharmacist gave me the 14 day supply I asked him to dispense them like my other meds, just 3 days at a time- I was a little proud of myself for doing the right thing.
I see my pdoc again in 2 weeks. And I need to go see my gp this arvo. So much shame and guilt to deal with this arvo.
