Despairing

Hi and welcome to the forums, @Trumi . It's good you've joined, to let others try to offer you peer support - well done.

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@Trumi wrote:

This year has been one of my most difficult on record... I am back in my pit of despair and fear.

It feels like no matter what I do this person will continue to impact on my life...

There may not be a 'work around' for this situation.

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I'm sorry to read you have a background with traumas...sadly a lot of us can relate. I am also sorry that you feel trapped in this fearful situation you're in. I can really empathise with this.

I'm impressed that you're trying to remain positive in what feels like an impossible situation, and that you've been working on it with your psychologist. I wish I could encourage you. It's possible that there could be relief for your situation that you can't see yet.

What would it look like if you were to give up? And how does that compare to keeping on hoping and trying?

Wishing you all the best, @Trumi ...

@Trumi , I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles and the rough times you've been having. Having that sense of being trapped is the worst feeling, and when it goes on for a long time, it can be really hard to find and see the light. I've been in those moments where it seems like darkness is all there is and it sucks.

But, I noticed that you've also spoken about being faced with adversity before- for a start, I feel like this speaks to a great sense of resilience and strength you have within you. Getting up again isn't easy, particularly when it feels like the rug's ripped out just when you have managed to get up again. It sounds like you've done that a few times now, so I'm really curious to know what it is that's kept you from giving up previously? What inspires you to keep going?

TideisTurning 😊

Hello and welcome to the Sane forum @Trumi

Please take your time to look around the forum pages. There is lots of helpful threads and information for you to see and join in with.

If you type the @symbol on your key board it will bring up a drop down box which will tag a forum member or a Moderator to chat with, like I tagged your name above.

take care 🌻

Thanks for your msg @TideisTurning

I guess I have sworn off taking my own life as I understand how loved ones may feel if I took this option, so that leaves me with all the other options that I can possibly think up. Having faced this dark space many times before I am also aware that life can change at any moment..and I'd hate to miss the happy outcome that might be just around the corner. Like giving up banging your head against a brick wall when you have millimetres left before breaking through. I have spent the day working on solutions, some are ridiculous, some are possible but the thought space has been more positive, especially since I reached out for help, made an emergency appt. with my Psych and worked on some self compassion. I gave in to the day after having had no sleep and focussed on gratitude that I could take a day to recover a little. I am not through the woods but I'm definitely in a clearing thanks to the support offered here. Thanks 🤗

Thanks @NatureLover you really got me thinking..giving up kind of equals letting the bully win but it also could bring me peace. I am concerned that my retraction will encourage further unwanted behaviours and make the situation worse. I have investigated some options today that involve relocation. It feels extreme but the effort involved may be far less than the effort to persist. I have tried so many things hoping they would lose interest but this recent situation has come at a point when I believed it was finally over...so maybe accepting it will never be over is a part of my healing journey. This thought scares the hell out of me and seeing how society rewards the bullies disgusts me. Thanks for helping to open up my thought space..it led me to use my imagination to think of all the possible 'outs' 🤗

Here I am again...holding on until I can talk with my Psych today. It's been a long night. Keeping the fear in check is exhausting. Refusing to give in. I have realised there is fear on either side of this situation which is why it feels inescapable. Giving up my livelihood to get away from the bullying brings fear of the unknown.

@Trumi battling fear is exhausting, you're right...I'm sorry it's been a long night for you.

I hope your psych appointment helps today...

Thx @NatureLover I managed to hold on and my Psych was great at helping me to find some calm. I learnt some new techniques that are helping with the fear response. Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight. Just wanted to say thanks again for the support thats offered here. It feels like a safe space.

How are you doing, @Trumi ? I hope your new techniques are helping...