Waiting Always Waiting

Waiting always waiting ,isolating,thinking in the middle of the night about life and where Im at and so many things longing for bellonging,longing for emotional connection,so many things to say but holding back those words ,should I try to talk about it or just let people be for now or for even longer waiting,needing but not trying to make contact emotionally am I just submissive and letting myself be at the mercy of what others will choose for me,keeping busy as a distraction,lonely,dreaming of lashing out at those I love,lacking motivation to speak but in dreams I was screaming and in the dream they where asking where did all that screaming come from,i ddnt know,keeping silent when I need to speak and yet talking when I shouldnt speak.at least sleep in deep