Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

Lostintime72Casual Contributor08 Nov 2020, 4:59 pm AEDT

Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

This is my first post. Have tried telephone counselling before but gave up after I felt the lady was blaming me.

I moved to Sydney a year and a half ago and met a guy. All of last year was so up and down. He is happy then just gets nasty with his words and drags me down.

Stupidly im still with him even tho everything inside me screams leave. The hard part, is I know its not who he is but the stupid drugs he is on. I have never done recreational drugs in my life and now I live with someone who can't live without them. That's his choice. Just when he is on one certain one he just attacks and attacks and attacks the point he just yells and calls me every name under the sun. Blames me for everything that's gone wrong in his life. Tells me its me who is not working on this relationship when all I do is work on it. This happens every other week now. It's become a fortnightly event.

I've never had depression, I do have anxiety but lately I have been so low that death looked good. Im angry with this as I have always been a positive happy person who never things down, yet I feel like he is making me so I'm that low I won't leave. He uses the I love you statement all the time but I don't even know what this so called love is. I can't get him out as he wont go. He wants us to do couples counselling so I can be fixed. Im living with a man who does no wrong.. I know people are going to say, just leave, easier said than done. How do u when u do actually love him, but u hate who he becomes? Or when you have tried but he wont leave. He always apologises we end up good for a week then it just goes to crap again.

I feel very alone. In a new state with no friends and little money to escape back to where I was.

Dunno maybe I just have to keep trying to be me, it's been hard work

3 replies

1 - 3 of 3

In response to: Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

MysoulNew Contributor08 Nov 2020, 5:42 pm AEDT

Re: Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

Hey,

I see you, he doesn't, but I do. It's obvious that perhaps maybe you don't see you either. You don't love yourself. You have to love you before you can love someone else. He doesn't love you. If you truly and whole heartedly loved someone you don't purposely hurt them. Over and over and over again. He doesn't deserve you. You are his safety net someone he can use and abuse. You would never do what he does to you so why do you continue to let him hurt you. You're losing yourself to someone who doesn't deserve you. You deserve better you know you do. Find the courage. Love yourself we only get one chance in this life, dont let him take away everything good that you deserve. Please. I hope this finds you and encourages you. I'm sad and shattered from my breakup but deep down i know it all happens for a reason. You need to close this chapter and begin the chapter you deserve.

In response to: Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

Unknown userMember08 Nov 2020, 5:42 pm AEDT

Re: Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

Hey there @Lostintime72,

Welcome to the SANE forums. I'm one of the moderators. I'm really glad you're seeking support from the community here. It sounds like things are tough at home with your partner. I'm sorry to hear how you are being treated and how stuck you're feeling. It is a hard situation to be in and I can appreciate that it is not as simple as 'just leaving.' I'm sure our forum members will pop by soon to offer their words of support. In the mean time, I am concerned about you so i'm going to send you an email to check in privately.

Here with you,

Sphinxly 🐣

In response to: Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

Zoe7Senior Contributor08 Nov 2020, 6:36 pm AEDT

Re: Alone, frustrated, confused and helpless is how I feel

@Lostintime72 Leaving is so much easier said than done and there are a multitude of factors that feed into why you simply cannot. Much like you I was also in a very similar relationship and the fear and inability to be able to see or do better was not in the picture. Love is a powerful determinant in staying - especially when they apologise and life begins to be better again. Not having the resources - especially monetarily - is a huge factor also. I also hear that your partner is regularly under the influence of recreational drugs - as was mine - at that can significantly change the person you love into soeone you do not recognise. As for them blaming you for everything - that is not you fault at all and you do not deserve to be going through that type of abuse nor being blamed for their behaviour.

Couples counselling may be an option to open his mind to what he is actually doing to both you and himself. It could also be a starting point to you being able to voice your concerns in a safe environment. But that may only work as well if he can see his fault here and what his behaviour towards you is doing as a consequence.

It may be a good idea to contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) and get some additional advice and support. You do not have to go through this alone.

1 - 3 of 3