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frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2016, 9:55 pm AEST

frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

I'm just so frustrated with myself. I cant open my mouth and let out the stuff that i want to say when i see my psychologist (or psychiatrist) and then everything i should have said goes around my head and feels worse. and everything they say i turn around again because i didnt really say what i needed to say so i cant believe what was said. Im so constantly anxious at the moment, having panic attacks and just blowing things out of proportion because of the anxiety, always feeling overwhelmed. Nightmares when i sleep are so bad but confused with so many things now and im so tired but dread sleeping. life is just too much sometimes!

I know its ridiculous but i wish there was a 'cure' a shot or pill that really did get rid of all the dodgy thinking/anxiety/depression so that i could somehow deal better with the crap that life throws.

13 replies

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In response to: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

Unknown userMember11 Aug 2016, 11:41 pm AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

I wish there was a cure too @Former-Member.

I have to practice what I want to say and write it out, and it still takes me weeks to be able to talk about what I want to talk about. And it's so frustrating when you can't.

I wish I could give you a hug, but I hope you have a good nights sleep and get some rest.

In response to: Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

AppleblossomSenior Contributor12 Aug 2016, 1:09 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

it has taken a long time to for me to be able to say things in a therapy session ... decades at first .. now I am better and might miss something important for 2 sessions .. but mostly get it siad ... Writing things done helps ... numbering things on your hand helps ... ony allowed one hand in an hour ... more than 5 things is probably a bit much ... just joking and raving ... somethings you can let go ... it is also about prioritising ..

It is fantastic that women can be educated and get to have real jobs ... and I know that fathering is important and many men take it seriously these days .. but to be mum and f/time .. is a huge ask

Take care

In response to: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

utopiaSenior Contributor14 Aug 2016, 12:35 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

@Former-Member. You are so hard on yourself. I know, I used to do it alot myself & still occasionally catch myself out.
If only there was a cure. There is, but it takes a lot of hard work. Unfortunately there are no short cuts with MI.
Before I went to hospital & got myself a psychiatrist - I used to have awful vivid dreams where the feelings stayed with me most of the day. Then not sleeping much. A bit like you - a viscous cycle. My psychiatrist put me on sleeping tablets. It has allowed my brain to have a proper rest (it never stopped - talking - worrying - at all hours). Because of the rest it obviously needed, I have been able to focus on my therapy and healing. I will of course have to be weaned off them in a month or two, but it's an eady compromise for me to make.
But I totally get how frustrating it is without proper sleep & with the anxiety creeping in. Hang in there. Talk to your gp or therapist. Hopefully they will be able to come up with some suggestions that work for you. (I don't want to push drugs on anyone).
I wish you peaceful sleep very soon.

In response to: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

TABSenior Contributor14 Aug 2016, 2:27 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

hi @Former-Member That brings back memories of jaw just dropping at what some professionals told me.

Try seeing someone else if that's an option? I have had some really positive experiences with counselling etc in long past, but, well there have been some doozies. I doubt that it should be way that way, but if there is no rapport or connection, well, you usually can tell, and best to move on.

I don't have panic attacks, but recently,I can not go out as 'someone I know' might see me, and that would make me feel bad, yeah, irrational, and have forgotten how to question that 'stuff'

yes, also frustrated, there is no easy answer at the moment for me, yeah no cure alls ..had been getting away with auto pilot and well, routines, was kidding self it things fine, til it comes unstuck lol

..hearing you anyway

In response to: Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

Unknown userMember14 Aug 2016, 11:04 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

Thank you all, i wish other people didn't understand... but also relieved that you do.

I think one of the things i have tried to much to do is do everything at once.. trying to fix it all, focussing on everything that im doing wrong. i lay awake thinking last night.. i've been doing moodgym online and i think that i'll just have a few goals for now and only focus on those (as much as i can)

1. do something nice EVERYDAY for myself minimum of 10 min

2. Challenge one crappy (or as moodgym puts it warpy) thought at the end of the day

3. more exercise - walk dusty lots (bonus kids love it!)

Just making those plans makes me feel like im doing something.. and i think it is achievable...maybe just having some success in this will help feel like i am actually doing something...

In response to: Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

TABSenior Contributor14 Aug 2016, 11:13 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

hi Lj @Former-Member at the risk of being total hypocrite, but when has that ever stopped me lol.. try to address thoughts ;real time' ie as they happen maybe ..am working on it., it will 'flow' then, and you won't even notice it event ..well good people don;t deserve bad thoughts ..re you..

In response to: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

utopiaSenior Contributor14 Aug 2016, 11:27 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

@Former-Member. I know what you mean about focusing on everything at once. One thing I've got from my therapy is that we need to focus on one thing at a time. When that task / emotion is delt with, we move onto the next one.
I used to negatively comment on the fact that men could only do one thing at a time, whereas us women could juggle 10 things. But eventually when you're juggling, some balls are bound to drop. I think men have been right from the start. One thing at a time

In response to: Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

AppleblossomSenior Contributor18 Aug 2016, 2:14 am AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

lol @utopia except I was first to juggle by a meremale

and it was my step daughter that boasted about the multi tasking ...while I was doing a few things at the same time than she was ..

I am too old for those quips ...

tho I did work in an office that was trialling multi tasking in the public service once ...

In response to: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

utopiaSenior Contributor18 Aug 2016, 3:31 pm AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

@Former-Member. How have you gone recently with being able to express yourself - especially with your therapist? Have you been able to write down what you would like to talk about? And then discuss that issue / issues? It's important that you have a say in your therapy.

In response to: Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

Unknown userMember18 Aug 2016, 7:44 pm AEST

Re: frustrated with myself and losing it to anxiety

Hi @Appleblossom Hi @utopia

I do write to my psychologist. I email her and that makes sure that she has too much she wants to talk to me about each session haha! I've found that at least by emailing her sometimes i can 'let go' of some things because i know that she will address it as much as its able to be adressed, but theres often just so much going on in my life half the time i see her is just catching up on the past fortnights 'stuff'.

My own kids have been really full on this week. my daughter came home really anxious from her overnight with her dad. shes not sleeping well, wetting the bed and just clingy to me all the time. doing what i can to support her and be strong and help her as much as i can but its so hard.

Its been a crappy week for me too, with lots on in every faucet of life. My ex is still trying to appeal (for a second time) his criminal conviction regarding the DV he put us through but its just been adjourned AGAIN and i just want it over! Financially things are stressful because of so many bills with lawyers and assessments and stuff. ex will not start settlement stuff so cant even sell the car that i'm making big repayments on 😞 just feeling very cornered and stuck with the whole system of insanity.

Work has been... stressful.. i'm having panic attacks and nightmares about stuff ffrom work thats mixing up amongst stuff thats from the past that i always have nightmares about and its just hard. starting to feel like my bucket is almost empty. also getting a lot more flashbacks to old things, and feeling very... icky all the time.. i guess the ptsd is having a bit of a resurgence.

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