Hard to find help

Hi Maggie,

I have read all the other replies. I just need you to know you are not alone. I'm in much the same situation as you. At the end of this month I see my third shrink (excuse the term I use pls) it's just that I have lost faith in them. The first two have gotten me in more trouble than when I first went to them. I have to pray this new one is better. Like you I have basically been mistreated. To more or less be told to get on with life is dreadful. If we could we would. Take care....Shorty45.

@Princessmolly

I am sorry you are still trying to find someone helpful - have you accessed the Medicare scheme to see a psycho-therapist with the intention of seeking help as a survivor of your parent's suicide?

My son committed suicide - and this is the most important and hardest thing that ever happened to me - the thought of your parent doing this while you are pregnant scales really high on the stressors

I don't know how you would find some one specialising in relative-suicide - but there must be ways on the internet - and if you find someone - then ask your doctor if this will fit in with the medicare assistance scheme - you can get up to 10 visits a year

What happened to you and your unborn child is imo unbearable - I can only wish you the best and I do care and hope that things will improve for you - but I think that is the part that needs dealing with first - and it is necessary to find the right person

Decadian

Hi @Shorty45

I wonder if you are seeing a psycho-therapist - they use talking therapy and give us something to think about between sessions -

Recently I completed my work with mine - and I really think I have gone far enough for the time being - but yes - we need to turn to someone else at times - my experience with this one was good

And many years ago I saw someone else - and he was good too

When it comes to a psychiatrist - I went into analysis ah what - could that be nearly 40 years ago? well 36 anyway - and was doing this for years - it was a huge commitment - 3 times a week for an hour and it went on for years - and I don't think I could have lived through that part of my life without it - though I was not suicidal - I was burning out and this doctor helped

But for analysis - that was popular in the past but I have no idea if that still happens - but I used to sit in the chair and rat on and on - and maybe that's what I needed to do then - and that is in the past now

I wish you all the best - try a different approach - and I really hope you do find someone quickly - and get help

Decadian

Hi Decadian, forgive me please for not replying to your comments on Tuesday. I am really new to emails and texting. I have to wait for my daughter to guide me. She leads such a busy life I have to wait till she has a few minutes, such as now. Hate to sound like I'm the only one with problems, but I'm not doing so well at the moment. Am feeling very lonely and isolated. Still two weeks till I can get to see a shrink, and that seems like a lifetime away. I'm really anxious about even going to see yet another one, as the last two have done nothing but mistreat me. I hope you are feeling ok. Regards Shorty45

HI @Shorty45

You are not the only person with problems - and we all understand that - you are new to this and I understand that we all have to start learning somewhere - and you are not whingling - I have been doing this for a long time - not in this website - but in others - so I can tell

I understand about seeing a new psychiatrist - my thought would be to tell him when you get there that you have felt worse after seeing two other doctors and that it is unsettling to start with another - this puts in you a positiion of having the insight he doesn't of your past experience - and I have tried this myself - and I get a good response then -

I don't know why - but I think that your new doctor will realise that the conventional approaches haven't been helpful and he may try harder - life everyone else - they are all different - and if you keep trying you are sure to find someone helpful eventually

Yes - I know - it's hard

I think loneliness and isolation are different - and having both at the same time must be devastating. Your husband passed two years ago and your daughter is busy - I have been alone for a long time - and honestly I do not feel lonely - I have in the past - but isolation is very common - and it is hard to push out into the community and make new contacts when life is so different and you are grieving -

I think a lot of ideas of what to do to fill your time wouldn't be that helpful right now - you will find that in time - but your grief is the first issue - and it is harder to deal with that anyone else - I have experienced grief for the loss of a loved one who has used a lot of my time and know that this has to be something to be understood - and it is never what we expect - and different for every person for every grief-laden event - and that's where you need professional help

However - this I can tell you - loneliness is because you are alone when you used to have your husband - and having someone about all the time is going to fill the time - regardless of what you do together - and even preparing meals and tidying up after someone else fills that time - alone this is not the same - and isolation is what is left - and this is different - and hard to overcome - you had your husband before and no doubt you had contacts - but things change when you are single again -

So I do hear what you are saying - one really good way of finding contacts without leaving your home is to find out more about using your computer. The internet changed my life - it took time - I remember I had a free month on dial-up when I started - in 2004 - and I stared at the computer I had for a long time and said "Now I have the internet - what do I do with it?"

I found a group where people played trivia - and from there worked outwards - don't wait for your daughter - you can find people on-line who will be happy to help you. The idea is to use your browser. that is - where it says "Search the web" and type something that interests you there. Or write "grief" - and look for websites for other widows - eg - type "Help for widows" - I will look myself when I have finished my work here and write something about what I find

There is only one person who can really help and that is yourself. We are all in this position - everything your read here has its feet in fear, loss, confusion, loneliness, isolation, illness, grief, pain and I could go on and on - and there is something for nearly everything on the internet - and chasing our interests can use up a lot of time and for me - this is exciting

It can be for you too

I wish you the best - this is a very hard time for you - and I will see what I can find - I use my browser all the time and have so many interests there is hardly time for all I am interested in - this can happen for you too - and I know it is hard

I wish you the best

Decadian

Hi Decadian, have just muddled through and found your message for today, plus the one from Tuesday. Hope I am making sense. All your suggestions are really good, thank you. I really want to master the texting and emails, as it's nice to have someone to talk to. Best wishes Shorty45.

Good on you for muddling through @Shorty45 - this is you starting your internet social life

One thing I want to warn you about though is to keep private information about yourself off the screen

Here no one knows my real name or where I live - and I don't say anything about the other people on this site to the people I meet - after all - I do't know who I am talking to - and it might be someone in the next street - so - yes - it is better to be really private because what we share about ourselves here is often stuff we would not share with our neighbours or anyone except someone in a position of trust

And beware of scammers - I am sure you have seen something about this on TV - never send any money unless you are making a purchase - and for now - just ask your daughter about security etc - and don't send any money or give out your details

I would not write this for anyone except you are so new to this and looking for something to help you find a social life and it is really important to protect yourself

But "surfing" the net is excellent - just be careful with your details

And all the best with muddling through - that is just the beginning - I have found so much from just looking around

To me - the people in this site are important to me - I can share things here that I would not share with anyone else - and keep going

Decadian

Morning Decadain, Thank you so much for all the advice you have given me re the emailing etc. it has been a great help. However one of my problems is, because I am withdrawing from a horrible prescribed medication I don't retain anything, so it is really difficult, I have to go over things so many times, even then things won't sink in. I find it really frustrating and it adds to the anxiety. Still I do appreciate what you are helping me with. Best wishes Shorty45

Ai haven't been on for awhile, but feel devastated by recent events. No one to turn to. Feeling very alone

I feel so suicidal unable to reach out or phone as I feel,like a complete loser waste of time hopeless useless and worthless