91119Casual Contributor
How do I know what is my fault?
I have been married to my wife for 11 months, we have been together 3.5 years.
She has had anxiety for a long time (over 10 years), and sees clinicians regularly. She carries no stigma about her mental health. She has had one major depressive episode in the past (before we met), and I think she is in another now.
We have been very happy in the past, and have managed the usual ups and downs and stresses of life - work, holidays, buying a home, negotiating our extended families, living in a pandemic.
When she is upset, my wife tells me the things that she is unhappy with. Everyone has issues every now and again but I can't separate out her having anxiety and being depressed versus us having fundamentally different values.
A perfect example is the kids leaving clothes on the bathroom floor. I want them to learn to pick them up themselves, so the clothes are left there until I speak with the children about it. My wife gets cross they are there, and picks them up herself, becoming more cross with me that I did not pick them up.
The clothes on the bathroom floor are not the problem - but when we argue about it, my wife says that I don't care about her needs. I do. And I hate the clothes left there too. But I am also trying to raise children to do the right thing and not be waited on.
How can I tell if this is a genuine values clash, or if it is part of her depression and anxiety?
And how can I tell whether these things I have done have caused her depressive episode?
