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Seeking some clarity

Confused18Contributor20 Oct 2020, 11:24 am AEDT

Seeking some clarity

Hi!
It's a long one but please bear with me ❤️
I came accros this forum when looking into PPD. I've never really thought I had it until I saw a mention of postpartum rage being a symptom. I feel I have been suffering from this for some time and possibly as a result PPD.
I'm not confident to talk to a GP about it yet not even my husband as I feel he'll hold it against me as the cause of our problems.
I guess I'm on here to see what others think and any advice as I know it's different from person to person.
The reason I've never thought about it is because I absolutely love my child and being a mum and have no regrets about that part, it has its bloody hard moments but I feel that's all normal and I'm content with that, I more confident than I ever have been. However my "rage" (I hate that term) is bubbling up a bit lately when my LO has meltdowns and I hate being short with them as I know they're not doing it on purpose, the only sad feelings I ever get in relation to them is the idea of bringing another child into the family and taking away my time with them (2.5 yrs old).
My main issues are with my husband. We've had our problems over the years but since becoming a mum it's gone down hill quicker than a bobsled! Pretty much everything he does triggers me now, I feel unsupported, I feel alone, under appreciated, I resent that he hasn't really changed his lifestyle and he hasn't been there when I needed him. I'm actually repulsed by him at times, we're not intimate at all as I don't want to be. It's been going on so long Im not sure I can see it getting better but I feel absolutely horrible about the concept of breaking up my child's family

and at the chance it could get better.

I can't talk to him about my issues but I try with him, but he shuts down and flips everything back on me (eg. it's my issue that he doesn't always use soap to clean the dishes and if I want it done any different to do it myself).

I'm just so burnt out and with COVID and being stuck at home away from any other support and with restrictions still here and lack of a break it's put even more pressure on. I'm just so confused at whether this is now mostly caused by me (PPD) or if it's just we're not compatible anymore. He's got issues of his own but isn't really doing much to better himself either.

Thanks for reading!

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In response to: Seeking some clarity

MartianCasual Contributor21 Oct 2020, 5:02 pm AEDT

Re: Seeking some clarity

Hi @Confused18,

Yes playgroup helped and the local community garden sharing vegetables and children are welcome. I hope you keep looking for groups for you and your two children, being alone with a husband who is cocooning is difficult. You are a normal mum, stressing, worrying, learning, reaching out and having differences with your co-parent (husband). Anger is one of the million emotions you feel in a day when you parent. Having two children is great because they have each other even when they get to teens and don't always want us adults to talk to. You'll see how they have their spats but they seek each other out for support. Worrying is what parenting should be called. Because you are giving you don't want to burden others, and I often kept the peace, for a peaceful family home. I did seperate but my husband became violent, I hope you are safe. Be proud of yourself, you have two children a husband who can't use dishwashing liquid and you're reaching out, always reach out, it takes a village to raise children. Don't let anyone push your buttons, keep your cool, you got this.

In response to: Re: Seeking some clarity

MaggieSenior Contributor21 Oct 2020, 5:09 pm AEDT

Re: Seeking some clarity

@Martian Well said.

@Confused18 💙💙

In response to: Re: Seeking some clarity

Confused18Contributor01 Nov 2020, 10:34 am AEDT

Re: Seeking some clarity

Hi @Martian,

Thank you, with restrictions dropping slowly we'll be able to do some playgroups soon which will help us get out and socialize more which I really think will be great for my mental health.

I apologize I may have worded my last reply wrong, we only have 1 child at the moment, my burden is that I don't want her to be alone but I'm also really not sure I can bring myself to having another child with my husband and if I do it would be for my daughter so she's not alone. I feel this isn't the right reason to bring another child into the world but I also feel we're running out of time as she's almost 3, so I feel I'm hurting my daughter as she's alone. I really want her to have what you mentioned in having a sibling so they can support each other through life.
I'm so sorry to hear you experienced violence with your ex husband. No one deserves that and I hope you're going well now. I am safe physically thank you for checking, mentally I do feel he gaslights me when I try and talk to him about things as he doesn't like to be called out for something he's done or said.
I'm grateful for my daughter she is my absolute world and I appreciate my husband for supporting our family so I can raise our daughter and work/study part time. Unfortunately the dish soap problem is a fairly minor issue among many.
My village is quite bare and not close by due to living where my husbands friends and other commitments are, I've lost most of my friends over the years from distance and life getting in the way. I have realised how much I have lost over the years and am reconnecting with friends and focusing on what I need which is progress. I'm grateful I also found this community to be able to talk through things burdening my mind.

Thank you

In response to: Re: Seeking some clarity

MaggieSenior Contributor01 Nov 2020, 5:14 pm AEDT

Re: Seeking some clarity

@Confused18 I think easing restrictions is going to make a big difference for many in Melbourne. Playgroups and socialising will certainly help overall.

I understand your reasons for wanting a sibling for your daughter. I hope you can work through the situation. Things aren’t easy are they.

Reconnecting with friends and other commitments gives you some kind of life to enjoy. You deserve that.

Take care. Thanks for the update.

In response to: Re: Seeking some clarity

MartianCasual Contributor01 Nov 2020, 8:37 pm AEDT

Re: Seeking some clarity

Hi Confused18, sorry if I misunderstood you, I have twins but if I had 1 child I would have stopped because of Post Natal Depression. I felt I couldn't possibly give a beautiful baby everything and I wanted to. I'm sorry you're being gaslighted, it's sad because you may dought yourself if it continues, being heard is important and as a mum it's hard enough, with a world mass culture of picking on mum's and advertising so many things we need to make us better mums. My twins are 22 and I know from experience that kids need us as we are, for who we are, the efforts we put in mean alot to kids. Thank you for you kindness about my ex husband's abuse. I'm glad you are reaching out. If you don't want another child, you can use childcare, groups etc to provide the comfort your child needs. I'm glad you're reaching out and reconnecting. If you want meditation suggestions, I have left you a link, you may have a centre near you, the Brahma Kumari's.https://youtu.be/fgChzlOt3XI . Children are welcome.

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