Need to vent

I’m sorry you’re struggling @BlueBay and that your Mum doesn’t spend longer with you.

My mother is similar and says she’s past listening to anyone else’s problems.

Maybe do do something nice for yourself tonight.

I’m about to pick up fish and chips.

💙💙💙

my darling sister @BlueBay , you are very important xoxo

iff it is really serious he will ring you xx

Yes @BlueBay - why do you bother with your mother? You know what she is like. It only causes you more anguish to have her cut you short the way she does and it's not your fault - it's just something you can't fix and I really do understand how bad you feel - but I don't understand why you keep trying

And you are important - the trouble is that people don't always do as they say - but they do follow up a lot. People do have other issues in the lives and you don't know why the doctor didn't ring - perhaps he didn't get the results yet.

And I understand - you really want to know the results - it is important to you.

But you are important

Dec

hi @Owlunar

I rang last Saturday and she never rings. I was thinking of my dad so I called. I know what you're saying I really do.
she rubs me up the wrong way sll the time.

Why does she ring when I'm in hodpital. Oh she knows my number then. The minute I get hime she doesn't know me.

During the week I thought oh Msybe I'll call in to their home on Sunday but now I am not going. Hubby and I will go out for a drive.
I get angry. It was exactly 2 min that was it. There's no point.

My gastroenterologist had the results because the receptionist told me.
that's why I was frustrated.

I hope you're ok Dec.

my depression isn't good.
I'm struggling

I know you are struggling @BlueBay - you have a lot on your mind but there isn't much you can fix - there are times in life when we can only live around stuff - your mother is one of those things - aw - I so get it.

I wanted to talk to my father during the long breaks I had away from my family so I know how that feels - you could write you your dad - but I thought myself during those years that Dad knew where I lived and he had made the choice not to con tact me himself but time passed and he wanted me back in his life so I was for a few years. After he died it all went back to the way it was with my mother an really - it is better not to have the emotional abuse of narky people.

I had a letter from my sister last week and I read it carefully and the legal documents she sent me. I don't know why she felt the need to do this - I could not be bothered even sending her a text to let her know I had read and understood the legal documents she had sent me. I have reached the stage - years ago actually - where I know I don't want to hear from her but she keeps trying with these documents. I am not interested either - not at all - in anything she has to say. We don't have to like our grouchy, grumpy, toxic relatives. We are better of without them

I thought you were going away this week - I was hoping your would and sorry the weather got so bad on Tuesday. I hope you do go away for a break - you might feel better - I am sorry you are battling atm -

All the best

Dec

Hi @BlueBay ,

For now, you just need some TLC and hugs.

So here you go.

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

I'll post my response to your previous post at a later time. I understand when things are just 'crap', it's hard to take much in.

Have a rest and practise some self care tonight.

BPDSurvivor

@Owlunar , your post to @BlueBay was a lovely heart-felt post. Thank you.

thank you everyone @Owlunar @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @Eve7 @MDT @Emelia8

@Owlunar I truly know that you understand my situation because you have been there before with your parents.

It sucks it really does.

My mum loves playing these games and I always get sucked into it. And then i get angry because of her reaction. Last night i had a really good chat online with Sane counsellor. I wanted to self harm to stop the hurt; to stop the pain. But i didn't. I ended up going to bed and then all of a sudden i had back pain going right around the middle of my back. I couldn't get comfortable, every way i turned it hurt. Hubby got me some pain meds and i finally fell asleep.

So reg. my mum - I am going to limit my calls to her, actually i have already only calling once a week and the real reason is to see how my dad is. Each time i call the conversation is very very cold; and after a minute of saying really nothing she says "ok i better go". I have all these images in my head of how a conversation should be but i know my mujm is a strange one and will never be the type of mum i so so want and need. Need - yeah sometimes i need a mum but not my mum. Gee that sounds terrible.

We did go away to Halls Gap Mon-Wed. It was nice, not long enough. it felt that as soon as we got there and just started to relax it was time to drive home (nearly 4 hours).

We did lots of walks and saw all the main things around there. It was cold and tuesday was horrible, rainy, very very cold. so we didn't really do much that day. But it was a change of scenery from home. My D is moving most of her stuff this weekend. Then i can rearrange some rooms and yes it will be very very different and - quiet.

I actually applied for a job yesterday morning at a medical clinic 20 mins away from home. It's part time and didn't say you needed experience. but now i am having doubts why did i apply. i have a medical certificate until middle of June so i should really enjoy the time home, rest and get better first.

Why was it important for your sister to send you the letter and legal documents? Is she stirring up to trouble??

You're right we both don't need narky people in our lives.

Can't wait for Monday, i am seeig my new GP. I am going to tell him how i have been mentally and struggling. Then on Tuesday i see my psychologist. I cannot wait, there is so much to tell her. Sometimes i feel one hour is not enough!!!

I think i will write things down that i need to tell her; that way i won't forget.

Thanks to everyone for your support over the past week. I haven't been myself, I know. I need to get out of my sprialling web of confusion, anger (lots of anger), frustration and self doubt and hate towards myself.

And @Emelia8 been thinking of you lots lovely xxxooo

In pain again

I can't pinpoint what the trigger is

I was a bit worried last night as the pain I had was a burning pain like shingles but no rash

I'm inside laying down with heater on

its cold and raining

@BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Eve7 @Emelia8

@saltandpepper if you want to you can read my posts here.
hope you're ok today. Xx