Need to vent

My stomach hurts so much

I think it's stress related

or maybe my pancreas

I don't know

I really don't want to go to hodpital

My dear @BlueBay ,

That sounds like more of the wise mind speaking (balance of the rational and emotional mind)!

I can see why it has been such a huge temptation to walk out on the job, but it does and has served a beneficial service to you - income, work, a schedule. Believe it or not, I've been in your position. I verbally resigned in frustration from a job, however, because a formal letter of resignation was required, it gave me time to cool down, and give it a real thought first. Guess what? Five years later, I'm still in the same job and definitely glad I didn't resign.

Since then, I've worked a lot on regulating my emotions and hence I don't get heightened very much when things don't go right. Implementing strategies such as mentalising, breathing, mindfulness etc have all contributed to managing stress.

I hope you'll soon find a doctor who'll see to your needs.

BPDSurvivor

I'm confused about wise and rational mind @BPDSurvivor

I have noticed I do things at times without thinking and then regret it later

@BlueBay ,

Thanks for seeking clarification.

When you do things without thinking, it generally comes down to your emotional mind having taken over. Eg, I'm sad so I eat - becomes a comfortable 'go-to'.

When you do things to a precise logic (potential 'illogic') it means your rational mind has taken over. Eg, I'm not going to see my mum anymore because she upsets me terribly (based on past experience) - yet count the number of times she HASN'T upset you.

The wise mind is a balance of the two minds.

Borderlines often sway between the extremes of the rational and emotional mind. The real work should be towards finding a balance. I am still working on this. It takes perseverance and an explicit teaching of the strategies required to maintain a balanced mind. It's everything that a pwBPD is NOT! I find I need to make a conscience effort.

Perhaps this is another point to bring to your next therapy session?

Between my therapy sessions, I write a list of things to work on. It helps make the best use of my session.

BPDSurvivor

Thanks for explaining this @BPDSurvivor

I do write a list of things I need to talk about. Thst way I remember what I want to say. I'm actually seeing my psychologist this Friday.

I'm not sure but I have a feeling I'm having another attack of diverticulitis. I'll call my gastroenterologist tomorrow and speak with him.

meeting my daughters new partner parents Today. He is having us all at his place for lunch. Should be nice.

hope you have a nice day xxx

Hi @Owlunar

sorry I haven't replied earlier.
I'm feeling very down over the past few days.

I'm over my mum's terrible ways of treating me. I'm not going to let her get away with it anymore. I'm over it.
I know my dad misses out but he's an adult. He can ring me when mum goes shopping. He knows when she's out.

I'm going to write more on here when I can. Sometimes I get so worked up with my writing that I stop.

I'm sorry @Owlunar I'm going to go to bed. I'm really tired. I'll chat to you soon. Xxx

Hi everyone @BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope @Snowie @Emelia8 @MDT and others following -

Well i went to work and guess what? - i had a meltdown in the tea room with others there. The bakery manager (who i used to work for) was there and we started to talk about the workplace and certain staff. another member came in and complained about his dept manager and wants to resign. Then i just started to cry, i had to leave and she followed me to the toilets. we spoke for a while and she gave me a hug and said i need to speak to the store manager. i need to let the manager know how unhappy i am with my job at the moment. she said she wished i was still in the bakery as i am a good worker.(that was nice to hear).

at the point i was too scared to talk to anyone else, couldn't talk to the store manager then. so i composed myself and went back downstairs to clean the baskets.

15 mins before my time was up to leave i was told i can go home now. it's ridiculous so i just left, couldn't even be bothered to say goodbye to my supervisor. And even this morning, she barely looked at me or said hello. didn't even ask me how i was as i was not there last week. nothing at all.

i feel that my job is the worst job ever. i am feeling so alone in my little corner tucked away.

as i clean alone i see other staff in other depts happy, chatting and laughing. and me in my little corner with no one to talk to. it's very depressing.

i am home now looking for more jobs but there is nothing which is making me feel even more depressed.

better go and do some housework - vac and put the washing on.

i don't care about dinner; i couldn't care about anything really right now.

Oh my mood is heading down very quickly

😢

not in a good headspace

Hi @BlueBay

Sorry to hear about your mood hon.

Sitting with you 💜💜

Thanks @Snowie xxoo