Need to vent

@BlueBay 💞🍀🌺

Emelia

Hi Blue

I hear you about your job. Honest, I was a stay at home mum, before that I had a few casual jobs like picking apples, working in a commercial laundry, wiring up the new post office - but that was when there were lots of jobs for everyone. I'm officially a dinosaur. Being out of the workforce while my kids grew, then the birth of the internet and computers...I felt well and truely left behind. I've only had 2 jobs where I felt I was part of a team and supported. I retired a few years ago, it was just too much trauma and I never told anybody or asked for help. It's one of my major flaws.I loved my work though.

I made a few vision boards, do you about them? you get an old peice of cardboard and a few old magazines and just cut out pictures of things that you resonate with, or that appeal to you, and glue them on the cardboard, then put your vision board in the corner of you bedroom, somewhere you'll see it out of the corner of your eye, and in maybe 6 months those things sort of fall into your life. That's been my experience anyway. I've only done it twice and watched a friend do it too with interesting results.

Sorry to rave on. We just had an afternoon of 3 storms, thunder, lightening, a bit of hail. It's nice to hear the creek babbling again.

Hang in there. People care about you. We are all mirrors for each other so there must be something pleasing in you that makes other want the best for you. Me too.

Not a good day

what a shit emotional day

I hate it all

everything

Hi @BlueBay

Sorry to hear your day has not been a good one.

Did you want to talk about it?

Thsnks @Snowie

I had a terrible outpatient group therapy yesterday. I walked out in tears and couldn't go back in. Went in my car and sobbed more. The psychologist was talking about childhood and memories of good times.

all I could think of was my sexual abuse.

then tiday session with private psychologist and she asked me if I have any friends from school. I told her no. No friends at all. I have no memories of my primary school at sll except one time when I was touched I appropriately by a boy.
I have no good times at high school either.

I have no family photos. No childhood or bsby photos of me at all. NOTHING.

Hubby has so many albums of his childhood

I asked my mum years ago for our photo albums to show my children and gir me. Her response "oh I don't know where they are"

I'm feeling like a nobody a nothing 😢😢

Sounds like it has been a triggering few days for you @BlueBay 😞

It is hard when our childhood is overshadowed by bad memories. I find it hard finding good memories from my childhood too.

You are definitely not a nobody. You are important and valued by all of us here.

Lots of love and hugs sweetie 💕💕💕

Thanks @Snowie xx

Had a horrible disgusting scary dream last night

death by others

I was stuck in a room about to be killed

I can't go into detail it's too much

all I wanted at thst time was my dad

I'm left shaken and very unsettled this morning

lately I'm getting triggered very easily by things

@Snowie @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @MDT @Maggie @Owlunar and others

That must have been extremely scary for you @BlueBay

Sometimes our dreams are so vivid and feel so real.

Is there anything you can do for yourself to do some self care?

Good morning beautiful @BlueBay 😊💕

Ouch ... sounds like a really horrible dream/nightmare. Very triggering, upsetting and scary.

Its very true that nightmares usually leave us feeling very shaken unsettled and vulnerable. No doubt a lack of decent sleep will also be contributing to your distress.

Sounds like you have really missed your Dad throughout the long drawnout VIC lockdown period. I know restrictions on movement has relaxed a couple of weeks ago, and is likely to be further reduced with additional announcements due tomorrow. I hope that will mean you will soon have the freedom to see family members, that you havent been able to see for many months.

Something else I have heard talk of today, is the likelihood of face masks no longer being mandatory every time you leave your home. Wow ... that will please a lot of people I imagine. The few times I have had to wear a facemask (when visiting a nursing home for my volunteer work, and when in the hospital for pre-op meetings and clinics) it has felt so claustrophobic and hot. So I hope that may relieve quite a few people. I totally understand the need to wear masks at appropriate times and when in close contact to vulnerable people. But given there has been no new COVID cases in VIC for 8 consecutive days, surely mandatory masks can be relaxed now in some areas at least.

Do you have any plans for this weekend @BlueBay ? How is little A going? Please take good care, and protect yourself as best you can during this time where you are easily triggered. Thinking of you, and sending love.

Emelia 🤗🌸💖