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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Sounds like you have started out the day on a positive note @BlueBay - you inspiring me to go for a walk tomorrow morning :).

Hope you day keeps going from strength to strength - enjoy my friend.

Hugs,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Well done @BlueBay on all you have already achieved for today 💕💕

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay I hear you, my sister. One step at a time. You are doing all you can. Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi friends @oceangirl @Snowie @FloatingFeather @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @tyme @hanami @BPDSurvivor and others i have forgotten - sorry!!

on Friday i saw my new psychologist. It's good she is only 5 mins down the road from me. She seems nice, very experienced in trauma work and report writing for victims of crime. So i feel that now i am with the right psychologist. She told me on friday that she does EMDR and it is very very helpful for trauma and also physical ailments in the body.

She asked me who diagnosed me with BPD? I told her it was my very first psychiatrist about 12 yrs ago. She instantly said 'you don't have BPD' to which i said 'how, why, i don't understand'

She explained that complex PTSD has the same symptoms like BPD. @BPDSurvivor have you heard this before.

she told me i have been incorrectly diagnosed.

i am feeling lost, confused and angry. How can someone who i have met for 1 hour tell me i don't have BPD. When everyone else (psych, GP, hospital) and always mentioned BPD.??? I just don't get it.

Tomorrow i am seeing my psyhciatrist and i am going to mention this to her. Now i am not sure who to believe.

Had a relaxing weekend - had little A yesterday and then my D, her fiance and girls came over for dinner. And today, a beach walk, Bunnings, repotting at home, then book read and swim at the beach. Home now waiting for chicken drumsticks to cook on bbq.

Can someone pls explain this BPD thing, i am really concerned that i have been mis diagnosed, treated like i have BPD,

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay ,

Sounds confusing, eh?

From research, CPTSD is closely linked to BPD and often go hand in hand.

I'm not a specialist, however, from my thinking, if someone has CPTSD, they, over time, develop their own strategies to 'cope' with the hurt. These strategies, if engaged in enough, soon become a 'habit'. Then I believe this leads to BPD.

This 'strategies' may include self-harm, lack of self-identity, regular suicidal ideation, black/white thinking etc.

Hope this makes sense.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I get it I think @tyme

@I just don’t understand how a person I just saw tells me “no you do t have BPD”

I’ll ask my psych tomo.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I can't answer that either @BlueBay . BPD is very complex. It takes more than an hour to realise its complexities in people.

I'm also aware that there are a lot of therapists out there who do not believe BPD exists.

I hope this does not trouble you tonight. And yes, it would be good to speak to whoever you need to to get their insights.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I don't know much about BPD so cannot really comment @BlueBay

I hope you get some answers from your pdoc.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay,

Thanks for the tag - always appreciated.

The comment your new psychologist made about BPD would have been confronting for you I'm sure. I'm sorry that I can't give you any guidance or advice around BPD because I don't really know much about it but it is understandable that you are feeling lost, angry and confused around what your psychologist said re potentially being misdiagnosed. Hopefully your appointment with your psychiatrist will help shed more light on this for you.

A close family member has been doing EMDR for a few months with their psychologist and really has seen a benefit from it. Hopefully you will have a similar experience.

It is nice to read you had a relaxing weekend. I'm sure little A loved seeing you!

Big hugs,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @FloatingFeather @Snowie @tyme @oceangirl @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8 @MDT @Eve7 and others I have forgotten

Morning appt with my psychiatrist. I told her what this new psychologist said about me not having BPD. She was concerned at how quick in a 1 hr session i was told i don't have BPD.

She mentioned that i do have BPD as well as cPTSD, depression, anxiety as well as an eating disorder. She explained the 9 criteria's and how yes they are intertwined with BPD but yes I do unfortunately have both.

She was worried that this psychologist is not even a psychologist; she is a mental health social worker who has worked a lot with people who have gone through PTSD and also does reports for Victims of Crime. My psych said not to get too worked up about it and just see how i gel with this lady. If after a month or so I still don't feel comfortable then i will go elsewhere.

we talked about me being home and i'm feeling like a 'maid' for everyone. clean, wash clothes, fold clothes, cook dinner, do dishes, water garden, mop and vac floors. I feel like i don't get any thanks for it. So she has suggested that i have a 'no cooking night' and let hubby know how i feel.

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