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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thanks so much @FloatingFeather @Snowie @Emelia8

i don’t know what to think k anymore. The more I thi k back the more abuse I had.

was I a bad girl to have all this happen to me.
was I so naive that I just let it happen

i can’t take anymore of this

will it ever stop

how do I stop remembering


maybe I should take up drinking to stop all this

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

A child is never ever to blame @BlueBay. You were taken advantage of when you should have been protected.

Drinking is never a solution as it inevitably will lead to a new set of problems. I know it's hard but through therapy and support I hope these feelings lessen for you. I am going to send you a private message just to double check in with you. Please respond when you can.

Big hugs,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hugs my sister @BlueBayBlueBay sitting with you ❤️

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I don't know how to stop the memories @BlueBay I wish I could too.

They come up at the most inconvenient times too. I think talking through with my psych has actually brought more memories out. Not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

You are certainly not at fault hon and not alone either. We are here for you 💗💗

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

thank you my beautiful friends for your support

i am so grateful xxxxxxoooooo

@Snowie @Shaz51 @FloatingFeather @Emelia8

hubby is home now and we didn't go for a walk down the beach

i am sitting here watching tv

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @Snowie @Shaz51 @FloatingFeather @tyme @oceangirl @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor @amber22 and others reading along -

I saw my GP this morning to get a referral to see an exercise physiologist. He was able to get me a different type of plan as i was high risk of diabetes. So i am going soon to the gym to meet the guy and see what type of program i want.

My dr also mentioned he will refer me to a dietitian reg my eating disorder. together with the gym i will be able to get the support i need.

@FloatingFeather I didn't have the courage to tell him about my latest trigger of another abuse at primary school. But i am seeing him again on Monday to get a referral for dietitian as he couldn't do it today. I will tell him then.

I am a bit stressed about my dad's upcoming birthday in Feb. We have just booked a road trip going to SA and it will be when mty dad's birthday. So i was thinking if i post him a present my mum will def post back. if i call and he answers (which he tends to answer on his birthday) then i can say hi and happy birthday. i am not sure. there is still a lot of anger, revenge, hate, abandonment, rejection, invalidation towards my mum and what she has said and done to me over the years and also this latest one on boxing day.

and it is really hard not to ruminate during the night when it is quiet. i am waking up early mornings and then can't stop ruminating about so much stuff eg. my mum, my dad, kids, even what to cook for dinner the next day!! how bad is that?

i am now home alone and feel sad. i chatted online before about my mum and it just mkes me so sad that i don't have a close relationship with her; and because of her i don't have a relationship with my dad either. it feels very lonely.

i know i have my hubby and kids and little A but still it would be nice to have my parents support.

it's just hard.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I am really happy to hear that you are getting the support that you need re the gym, an exercise physiologist, and a dietitian. Please keep me updated on this journey, remember that it is baby steps in a great direction, so proud of you @BlueBay

It is completely valid about how you are feeling towards your dads birthday, and about feeling lonely because of your current relationship that you have with your mum and dad. I think that it would be a good idea to give your dad a call on his birthday, that way you can speak to him directly and maybe it will make you feel a bit less alone and isolated from him.

It is totally okay to feel this way, even if you have other support systems in your life, sometimes it can be really hard to not focus on the people that you wish you had a closer bond with right now. As I said before, it is all baby steps and one foot in front of the other at a time. Reaching out to your dad by calling him on his birthday could be one of these first baby steps, but that is only if you feel comfortable doing so. Do what is best for you and what feels most genuine in your gut. You have all of our support on here.

Sending virtual hugs,

Amber22

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

thanks @amber22 xxx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay 💗💗

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I’m so angry right now

I just found out that hubby weighs less than me. By a lot!!!

i can’t even think. I’ve gone into BPD panic, not in control.
mum so bad, horrible and other things I can’t write in here

how is that fair

it’s not

I am so angry upset

I’ve just blown everything I did today

Damn I hate everything right now

@Snowie @amber22 @Shaz51 @FloatingFeather @tyme @Emelia8

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