Need to vent

@Former-Member

csn you pls delete my last post

Thsnks BB

Dear Blue bay,

I will ask sane to remove your last post.

Regards

Artaud

Hi friends @Maggie @Emelia8 @MDT @Shaz51 @Owlunar @BPDSurvivor and others reading along

I hurt my back on NYE while holding little A (asleep) trying to go down some stairs. She's heavy now (about 15kg). I perservered but yesterday I saw my chiro and he adjusted it. When I got home it was a lot worse, I was struggling to sit and get up from sitting. I am worried about work on Monday because I lift baskets, quite a few at a time and lots of twisting and repetitive movements. I am resting today and tomorrow, not really going to do much and definitely not lifting little A up. But it really gets me down when I am in pain.

I received an email this morning from a medical clinic that i had applied for a job. i didn't get the job, only because they are so short staffed and needed someone who had medical reception experience. They are wanting to keep my resume on file for future jobs. Yesterday I applied for another medical reception job so that is 4 jobs now in a month. I really hope i get something from one of them.

I am strongly thinking of doing a short medical reception/billing course at TAFE. I looked into it and its on a Saturday for a few weeks. I could do that easily and that may help with looking for work.

Reg. my mum

I am really hurting about this. That phone call has really triggerred me into flashbacks of the childhood abuse, her horrible behaviour towards me years ago and now again. she is at the forefront of my mind and i can't or don't know how to let it go.

I'm seeing my psych on tuesday so i will tell him what's happened as i didn't explain it to him via the email i sent him.

i hope everyone is doing as best as they can, i know some of you are really struggling and i never want you all to feel that you have to reply. I totally understand.

i am just using this post to release my emotions; vent or whatever.

have a nice day everyone xxxooo

@BlueBay I know physical pain affects mental health, so with all the pain you are in, it’s no wonder you feel emotional.

I like the sound of your tafe course. It could definitely help you find a job you would prefer. I hope you decide to go ahead there.

I hope your psych can help you work through the ‘ mum’ issues, and you find some peace. It’s not easy, I know. All we can do is our best.

Rest up today. Give your back a rest. Take care. 💙💙💙

Hi @BlueBay ,

Thanks for the tag. I really appreciate it. Although I don't always have the words, I want you to know I am reading your posts, thinking of you and sitting with you.

A few weeks for a TAFE course would be good. Keep applying in the meantime. Don't forget, many people are out of work at this time, and just because you don't get one job, it doesn't mean you are not good enough. Competition is fierce.

Hope your back gets better soon.

Rest up,

BPDSurvivor

Hi @BPDSurvivor @Maggie @Emelia8 @MDT @Owlunar @Shaz51 and others reading -

We have been bombarded by tourists!!!! I say this every year at summer. i know the local cafes, restuarants and shops will be loving it; especially after a quiet year last year.

Cars parked everywhere, people everywhere and they are so angry and have not a care in the world. But then I guess they are on holidays.

Streets are blocked by cars parked on both sides. It is crazy. Can't even find a spare spot on the sand.

I know we are very lucky where we live. It's a beautiful place. But ...... come summer time and it is crazy!!!

Hubby wanted to go and walk down the beach all day and has cracked it because there are so many people. He's now rushed to wash the dishes and off he's gone.

I'm annoyed, angry and teary - because he wasn't even going to ask me to go; until I said 'oh where are you going now"? I said no you go, just go. let's see if he finds a car park. he probably wont!!

They even had to close down the local boat ramp near us (which is a fairly new one) because it was so full and more boats wanting to come in. They all turned back and who knows where they would have gone.

I'm still a bit sore in my back and thought walking on the sand would make it worse.

But i think the truth is that I have my mum's image/face in front of me. even though i have had a nice day it's all i see.

and now my psych isn't seeing me next tuesday as his receptionist called to say he is having next week off and will see me the following week. great another week i have to wait before i can see him. I'm just tired, i am cranky, emotional and just want to go away.

this time of the year is when i always say 'lets move somewhere quieter. every year it is getting worse down here and especially this summer because of covid; with more and more people coming down for the day.

let's see what tomorrow brings - hoping to go to the beach early in the morning and be home before the crowds take over yet again.

Agreed @BlueBay , I don't like crowds on beaches. However, it sounds great that you are so close to the beach.

When I lived in Sydney, I had a beautiful bay at the end of my street and the bush behind my house. It was a lovely area... now, having moved to Melbourne, it takes soo long to get to the beach, and even then, the beach is nothing like what I'm used to.

Looks like you'll have many more visitors in the next few days due to the hot weather.

Take care with your back.

BPDSurvivor

I don't know what to do .......

all i can see is my mum's face

all i can hear is her stupid voice and how she spoke to me the other day

it's on my mind all the time

i try to stay busy ie. work, home etc. but she is still on my mind and all i see

i don't know how to move it away; let it be

@BPDSurvivor @Maggie @Emelia8 @MDT @Owlunar @Shaz51 and others reading along -

It's really tough @BlueBay - and resolving this kind of issue is always hard and really - there is no way you can change your mother - only yourself

Yes - your life is passing and you are wishing it away and I so hate this for you - and I have been in a similar place with my parents so I do know what it feels like - but I learned to care for myself and move away and get on with my own life

And I don't know what to suggest - I wish I did - I loved my father but he chose to support his needy wife - after all - my mother was not allowed to be upset so she upset other people if she couldn't get her own way - what a miserable way to live!

What can you do? You do have a choice but it seems you are unable to leave your mother alone and this is a pity because you are buying into her games. Every time you interact gives her more fuel to her fire and she will keep on doing it as long as you contact her and your being a nice person isn't going to work with her

Such a pity that some people are like this. Why does it happen? - I really don't know

It was never easy to walk away from my family and then stay away for years at a time - but I had to do it for my own mental health - I had made and kept making unpopular decisions and I felt no need to explain them even if people were listening - which I am sure they were not.

So - what can you do? That is up to you. Your mother won't change and I am pretty sure she isn't a happy person - I am pretty sure she is miserable - happy people don't spend their lives making other people unhappy

Your can't control other people - you can't stop the tourists from enjoying the beach - they have the right - you can't stop a little girl from screaming in the middle of the night and I am glad your daughter is firm with - you can't change your boss - change your job yes - but your supervisor likes to play games - people are what they are and you can't do a thing about them - only yourself

It breaks my heart that you are so unhappy - but you can vent here - there's nothing wrong with airing your thoughts - I am glad you do - but yes - your mother and my mother were definitely not the kind and sweet motherly archetypical mother figures - and it would have been lovely to have a lovely mother -

So write about your mother here but for goodness sake stop exposing yourself to her bitterness and controlling behaviour - it's destroying your life - and you only have one life - feel the grief for sure but try and make your life without her - I know this can be done and you will be better for it

Sending hugs

Dec

Thank you @Owlunar for your honesty. I really appreciate it. I need time to read your reply agsin.

xxoo