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Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I have no confidence or self esteem

my confidence is zero

im feeling so flat depressed

financial worries is taking over

I haven’t bought myself anything for a very very long time

I’m so stressed it’s affecting my stomach issues

waking up during the night stressing about stuff

i am at a loss

feeling lost

uncertainty is a horrible place to be in

@oceangirl @BPDSurvivor @grayhorn @Former-Member @hanami @Anastasia @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Owlunar and others

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BlueBay

It's good to see you here ❤️

I'm so sorry things are really not great. Does it help to write it down as a poem? I find it therapeutic to do poetry but haven't done any for a long time.

Sending hugs

hanami 💮

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BlueBay, I'm so sorry to hear the stress you're under. I know it can be horrible to feel like that, especially for a prolonged time. Sending lots of support to you 💗

I'm wondering if you have supports you can access at this time- GP, mental health, maybe a social worker?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BlueBay ,

As unpleasant as it is, please know it’s okay to feel unmotivated sometimes.

I haven’t been around in a while, but what’s happened to your sewing projects, eye masks, salts etc? I remember it was keeping you busy and people wanted to purchase them.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

Hoping today is a little better for you.

Sending lots of love your way 💗💗

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I’m seeing my GP tomorrow @Former-Member

im telling him how bad I feel

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

i was scared to come in here because of what @Former-Member said to me and felt rejected. But that’s me my interpretation and my BPD But here I am again ……


Thanks @Snowie i feel nervous in my stomach.
seeing my doctor tomorrow morning

@BPDSurvivor that’s all stopped for now because our house is for sale and having people come through. Also I haven’t sold anything for a long time and my enthusiasm, motivation has all but gone.
maybe I could reduce somethings to get rid of. I tried the canvas on marketplace but people want them for nothing. It’s frustrating.


i also feel that I don’t do anything for myself as I don’t have money to buy anything. Stopped yoga classes couldn’t afford it.

my psych is really concerned that I don’t have confidence and she wants me to do things that will boost it. She’s also worried I don’t have any close friends I can talk to about how I feel. All I have is my doctor and psych.

i have a lot of guilt building up inside of me. And it’s making me hate myself even more than I did before. Which then in turn makes me feel worse.

@BPDSurvivor I’m supposed to start a dbt course in July unless we sell our home and move, then I will start at next intake. My psych has already written a letter outlining my issues.

@Snowie @BPDSurvivor @Former-Member @hanami @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Emelia8 and others

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@Need to vent

Thanks for your honesty. I'm brand new and you have already helped me. Work... It's a big one. I know I resonate with lots you have said, and because I can only speak for me in regards to it, I can say that the negative thoughts about it are always the one's that rush through my mind first. It was my go to but I learning to change that for me one thought at a time. So glad your a part of a community that wants the best for each other.

Looking forward to hearing about how you self care your way through it. My thoughts are with you.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Just about to head out @BlueBay but I wanted to stop by to hold the emotion you shared here today with you, all the vulnerability and the strength within that...BPD can be a cruel one, but I see so much determination in your posts and a commitment to yourself and to your values. I hope you have a few moments of comfort in your evening 💙

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

thanks for your reply and nice to meet you @MLE

at the moment i am not self caring - in fact the opposite.

i am seeing my doctor and show him what i have written down as sometimes i feel i can't talk

i am glad to see that i have somehow helped you. just wondering how? BPD is a horrible thing to have.

thanks for sitting with me @Former-Member i am finding the more stress of life and me i have and am having the more i feel i am useless

sorry it's not a happy post - please know i am safe, just not good

@Snowie @BPDSurvivor @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Anastasia @MDT

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