Need to vent

@BlueBay

Thanks for the lovely flowers @outlander they’re beautiful

@oceangirl @Eve7 @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Owlunar @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Snowie

@Anastasia
snd others I have forgotten

On our way hime from our nice break. The weather was beautiful and warm. Relaxed by the pool and swam. Tried to read my book but unfortunately couldn’t concentrate. Just reading pages but not taking in the story.
Having horrible dreams of my mum snd siblings. Fighting and really bad. Then this morning my son msg to say my mum had called. We stopped for a coffee at nsgambue abd I called mum. What a mistake. This was the conversation - hi mum, (oh hi I called this morning). I said yeah we went away for a few days. (I better go someone at front door) abd she hung up on me.
god I was so angry. She was lying. I didn’t even have time to ask about dad. 😥

told hubby and he said try not to let it upset you. But I started to cry because it’s almost a year that I have t been to my parents house.

abd next week it’s 11 years of my memories of my abuse. It’s triggering all sorts of emotions.

That sounds really upsetting @BlueBay, and really natural that you would cry. I think I would too 💙

Do you have anything in place to support you through the emotions which might arise next week, and in this lead up? It's so important to put some cushioning in around us when we know a date like this one is on the horizon.

Thanks @Former-Member im seeing my psych snd doctor on Monday. Then psychologist on Tuesday.

my mum was annoyed because I didn’t tell her we were away. That's what I think.
it’s all about her control.
but I get upset very easily. I don’t have to tell her anything really. I’m in my 50’s. She can’t control me now.
but she still knows how to play her horrible narcissistic games.

Big props to you for putting those two supports in place, that's some excellent self-care right there.

And on that, you know what, you taking care of yourself is kind of like a finger up to the love that it sounds like you didn't get. Know what I mean?

My lived experience in terms of parental love and care is similar, and I think its okay to admit that sometimes I get angry. At times it's felt like it's all consuming, and listening to your story, I think that's kind of fair – you have a right to feel angry to have not been shown unconditional love and support from a parent, and the anger might be part of processing that. The trick is how do we process it in a way that's not detrimental to ourselves? The million dollar question! If you have any suggestions for that I'd be all ears 😊

To Members Participating in this Thread.

In the Henry's Landing Strip & Hangar thread, I have, in two posts, added some videos with their respective site details, by Kati Morton, a licensed therapist (in America) and Dr. Colleen Bridger, MPH, PhD.

They consider the personal experience, individual and social impacts of childhood neglect and abuse. These videos may be of interest to members responding to and participating in this Need to vent thread.

Please, only check out these videos if you feel comfortable facing the possibilities, with a view to discussing them with a counsellor/psychologist and subsequently addressing issues that may arise.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX

@Former-Member

i am so damn angry still. All i can think of at the moment is the terrible dream i had last night and me screaming and arguing with my mum. It's never my dad, just my mum. Then this morning's phone call from mum was disgusting. I know that she used 'someone at the door' as an excuse to hang up on me. I didn't ask about my dad. she's a bitch, i am sorry to say. i know she is my mum but bloody hell she doesn't deserve me as a daughter, she is terrible mum.

all i want is my dad 😞 how hard is that. if my dad gets ill and something happens to him - i will be really angry because she is stopping me.

instead of saying 'oh just wait a minute someone is at the door' she hangs up on me. she could also have said 'i will call you back'. but i got nothing!!

it's a kick in the guts again. this time i am standing my ground and not calling her straightaway. i am going to wait another week and see what reaction i get.

anyway why would she be angry with me? for what reason? i have done nothing wrong. all i did was go away for a week and not tell her. was that bad, i am not a child.

that dream was horrible. as soon as i woke up i had a feeling something was going to happen. and then she calls.

you know i was thinking today - she was very close to her dad (just like me but i can't see mine) and not close at all with her mum (same as me)

her relationship with her mum is exactly how mine is with her. talk, fight, talk, fight. She wasn't even going to go to her own mum's funeral until the night before she changed her mind. then she was all 'oh my mum, my mum' crying at the funeral. then a few days after she gets a lawyer to get her entitlement as a child from the inheritance from the will. she got it and then stopped talking to her sister. it was a plan all along i believe, she knew what she was doing. she didn't grieve for her mum, not at all.

on the 17th it is my dad's birthday. i am going to call and send a present. if she returns the gift by post i will give it to her, i will call and have it out. she has no right to return my present to my dad.

let's see what happens.

i have been going tyo sleep at night while away and even at home thinking of her, she has been on my mind a lot and it's really difficult to get her out of my mind. i try to stop it, it is alright for a little while then my mind goes back to her again.

how can a mum be so cruel to her own daughter, i have done nothing wrong my whole life. in fact i have done everything her way until 11 years ago. i was 'controlled and manipulated by her' all those years. i would be a 'family pleaser' and have all the family at our house for all parties, get togethers and christmas. always at my bouse. no one else would offer, so i would do it and in my head i thought i was the 'good daughter' by doing this.

now i am not so sure. i think i am the bad daughter, the daughter that couldn't keep the family scret of my childhood abuse a secret. i let it all out and now i am suffering, i am in pain. i am taking meds to 'fix me' and having therapy weekly. what do the guys that abused me do - nothing.

i feel like i am been punished big time. like its all my fault. maybe it is. maybe i should have stopped it. or told someone. if only someone listened or paid attention to where i was.

i need to stop typing , i am being triggered, so i need to go. before i break something.

i am so sorry to all of you for venting.

life sucks sometimes, it's so not fair.

@HenryX @outlander @oceangirl @Eve7 @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Owlunar @BPDSurvivor @Snowie @MDT @Jynx

Hi @BlueBay ,

I hear you. I can see this is a difficult space to sit in. I feel your anger and your hurt.

For the time being, to support you with the next few moments, hours, etc., what is something you, or we, can do to help bring a bit of space between you and the hurt?

You are a valuable member on the forums, and as a community, we want to support you. Even if it means a hug, or to let you know that we care - because we do.

Sitting with you,

tyme

Thanks @tyme

I don’t know what I want. I guess a hug would be nice. thanks @tyme
I feel that my rage is in stages. I distract by doing things around the house then I sit and bang the memories or dream comes back.
it’s so hard 😥😥

I will gladly offer you a big loving hug @BlueBay 💖

Hi @tyme @Former-Member @HenryX @outlander