Need to vent

hi @oceangirl @Former-Member @Owlunar @Emelia8 @MDT @Shaz51 @Jynx

and others

Today's doctors appt and psych session were both hard emotional and listening to them was hard.

Both told me I need to contact mum less

she still has this 'control' over me

I get triggered easily with her comments snd behaviour

I need to try to live in the moment and not let the past get to me so intensely

they both want me to see an expert in eating disorders and body image

Both said I don't give myself enough credit for the caring kind empathetic person I am

both noticed I struggle to accept compliments and quickly negate a compliment

both agreed I have a lot on my plate atm

i feel so vulnerable overwhelmed emotional and tired

I don't know how to feel anymore

I'm so sick of doing therapy

i know I have fantastic professional support

there is so much to work through

boundaries

my mum

interpersonal skills

trauma

my negative body image

depression

anxiety

bpd

and I'm sure there's more

Hey @BlueBay,

I just want to pop by to say I hear you. It's exhausting to constantly be switched on in this way. Sometimes we just want to be on auto pilot. I think it's great you're open to learning and helping yourself but I also know it's a hard road. I just want to say it's ok to take a pause or rest, especially on days like today when you're processing a lot of info and emotions are heightened.

Be extra gentle.

Much care,

Sphinxly 🧡

thank you so much @Former-Member for your support.

It is really hard, draining and tiring to go through trauma, depression, anxiety and BPD with a therapist.

There are so many things/people i need to work on or learn to cope and some days i feel like saying 'stuff it all, just leave me alone'. I did tell my psych yesterday that i think it's time for another admission, so i can have some time out. We are wasiting to see when she can get another psych to admit me (as she can't) and then work out about changing my meds as well.

I am just tired, I looked up a book about 'daughters from narcisstic mothers' - boy it was tough reading some of the info on google.

i have so much to work on, i don't know where to start anymore.

i get too overwhelmed

@oceangirl @Emelia8 @Former-Member @Owlunar @Jynx @Shaz51

@BPDSurvivor is having too much empathy a BPD trait?

and is it bad that i have too much empathy, i care so much about people

the care is deep within

can you have too much?

what do others think? @oceangirl @Former-Member @Owlunar @Emelia8 @MDT @Shaz51

@BlueBay ... simple answer - yes.

This is where boundary-setting comes in. I've really had to harness my passion and sympathy. Actually come to think of it, my struggles are more sympathy rather than empathy. Which means I end up switching from being cared for (dependent), to caring for others (carer).

Hope this makes sense!

guess i will add to this to my issues i need to work on as well @BPDSurvivor !!!

Boundaries are really difficult - i tend to sometimes go over my boundaries or just try one more thing or go over one more step - to get my way. I know that most of the time it's my emotional mind doing this becuse once i am in a rational mind i can think clearer.

oh BPD it's hard!!!

Hey @BlueBay, I hear you have quite a lot on your mind. Whatever your decision re: admission, we are here to support you. I think sometimes 'healing fatigue' is a very real thing. It takes so much energy and effort to make changes, to be constantly pushing outside our comfort zone. You're allowed to take a break, even from that. Though, the trick is to remain cautious that you are taking a break with the intention to recharge and jump right back in, rather than spiralling into an unhealthy state of mind. So perhaps an admission could assist with this!

It can seem totally overwhelming when it feels like there's too much to do but heck - even just reading that book is a step forward. It's strange sometimes, where day by day can feel like nothing is changing but then suddenly you realise that you are far better off than you were 2 years ago.

Also I think @BPDSurvivor makes a very good point about boundaries. I have so much empathy, it can be painful because all I want to do is give. But that just isn't sustainable long-term. For me, a key to building healthy boundaries was to realise that they shouldn't revolve around "What are others allowed or not allowed to do to me" (because we cannot control the actions of others) but "What am I willing to tolerate?"

hey @Jynx thank you

i really need to set boundaries where my mum is involved

i can't keep going like this

one minute i am ok and the next i am sobbing and feel like a little girl again

i go into 'childlike thinking' and it's hard to rationalise with that atm

i agree with what you're saying about empathy. I need to step back and not give give give all the time to others if it's going to affect my mental health. i just can't anymore. i need to learn to let go.

i can't please everyone (even though i am a people pleaser) and also, i can't control other's behaviour or thinking.

---

i agree with your last paragraph - "what am i willing to tolerate"

10 years is a long time to be rehashing my whole life to so many different psychs and psychologists. It's tiring.

Sounds like you are outlining some therapy goals there @BlueBay, coming from a place of increased awareness of what is no longer serving you. Perhaps you could write these things out and take them to your next therapy session?

Being a people pleaser is a trauma response, and such a difficult one to work on (because why on earth would it be a bad thing to want to help others?). But it is definitely possible to find a more sustainable way to continue to care for others but also maintain care for yourself and set firm boundaries on how much you are able and willing to give.

Those boundaries might need to be firmer or more intense for your Mum too. It's super normal to struggle to set those with a parent, because we literally have patterns of relating to them that have been there since childhood.

Is there something you can think of that might be a good first step? Something simple like "I will not take calls from my mum after 5pm, because that is when I want to focus on my own family and on myself."

Trouble is @Jynx i know I need more help with all my issues - but - I AM SCARED

if mum rings snd starts with her behaviour I will cut the conversation short and tell her I have to go someone at the door.