Need to vent

Aah @BlueBay

I know - I had the same shit with my mother - except about the coronavirus because we didn't have it then - but yeah - I know - you can't win and getting over it is hard - but I think you did something right

anyway, i don't care because they will be alone for Christmas that is their issue, not mine. i did the right thing in sending a nice Christmas present, i was thoughtful and that is all i can do.

You are a decent person - more vulnerable than I was - and your mother - "stuck at home" alone - is having her choice and you are free to let her have it - as I did with my mother after I walked out on her in aged care - I had enough of her mouth - over my whole life. I really understand and I know you know that already

There's nothing you can do - if you choose to contact her then you will be in for hurt feelings. If you choose not to it will be uncertainty, doubt and other emotions. I think you have yet to learn tough love - as I did with my son - your mother needs some too but it will still be hard for you.

I could say - ahh - let it go - but that is easier said than done - I struggled every day about not seeing my mother but she had my compliant and willing sister dancing to her every need.

I get it - there is an old saying "He who expects little is least disappointed" - expect her to be grouchy

I care - I have been thinking about you a lot - I always do - I really have been there where you are with your mother - and it's bloody hard

Sending my Christmas Love - it's not expensive or over-sweet - it's freely given with no cost to myself - just there

Dec

oh @Owlunar i hope you realise how much I love yoiu as a friend on the forum. I never thought i would meet someone here and be close like i am to youi. you get me, you understand my struggles.

Do you know when i read your reply to me I started to cry, like now again. I realised that i am not alone, i have my beautiful family (hubby, kids and little A) and of course my friends on here.

that 's all that matters.

It is shit what my mum does to me. It is extremely hard for me to 'let it go' and i hate when people say 'oh just let it go' or 'move on' - if only it was that easy.

but i know you understand because you have been where i am now. Gee it must have been tough for you too with your mum. Hugs hugs and more hugs to you.

I saw my great GP this morning and i broke down and told him about this morning's phone call and the present. He was shocked that she said what she said. i told him all she had to say was thanks it is nice. not it's too sweet for us we won't eat it!!! He said to me that he feels sorry for her because deep down she is a sad woman, a jealous woman that you are close to your kids and especially my daughter. she is jealous when i go out and have a coffee with a friend, or go away on a holiday. oh i have copped it so many times, sarcastic comments when hubby and i have gone away over the years. just little snide comments like - 'oh you're lucky, oh well we are stuck inside' or she won't even ask about our holiday. it infuriates me so much 😞

my GP said tht my main focus is to get stronger, build a wall up against me and my mum. to try to make me tougher inside and not so vulnerable and soft and then get taken over by her all the time. Do you know he also told me 'do you know she will not validate you, you do know that don't you' to which i said 'i sort of know that in the back of my head, but deep down i am hoping for some validation'. he replied this is what we have to work on otherwise i will not get better, i will live waitingn for this validation. he makes sense, it's me.

he still has my canvas artwork on his desk and told me today that he has had lots of comments from other patients. he tells them that i made it and they all love it. i replied that i am happy that others like it, but still don't feel overly pleased.

i try to do the right thing all the time, buy nice presents for everyone and then get a kick in the guts by my parents. i would have thought that she would have called me yesterday once she received it from my son. but oh no she made me wait a whole day and night and calls today.

i have so much work to do on my BPD, i really do, i can see how much i have to do. my GP told me this morning that he is going nowhere and will be here for me anytime. but he wants to me grow as a pwerson and not rely on my support people. that's where my self confidence comes in because i don't believe in myself, i don't feel i am good enough.

thank you so much for your christmas love, sending back to you the same, love hugs and smiles

if only we could meet in person, you could be my 'forum second mum'.

gosh why do i cry so much

@Owlunar when i didn't see you on here for a long time, i thought i would never have the chance to chat to you again. it broke my heart, i missed you so much. the connection we have is huge.

why do i have a mum like i do?

better go Dec, i need some tissues!!! lol

always respect and love your replies to me xxxxxoooo

Sending you lots of tender hugs my sister xoxo @BlueBay ❤❤

This Christmas we are not going to my sister in law as we have my family coming up to have Christmas with my mum

Guess what she is not going now

You have your loving family, children and A who all love you , focus on them my sister xoxo

@BlueBay

Thinking of you my sister

Wow @BlueBay ! I totally relate to everything you are saying! I remember by "angry" days when I'd hate everyone and everything. And yes.... SH was big in the agenda as well as stopping meds.

Ride it out as much as you can...that's all I can say. I made myself wait a little longer each time before doing something detrimental...eventually, the urges dissipate.

I'm here with you @BlueBay . Sorry I only just got to your messages now. I've been at work.

BPDSurvivor

@Owlunar , I'm so happy to see you are always here for @BlueBay . It really shows community building here on SANE.

Hi @BlueBay

Thanks for this wonderful reply - at times I have to withdraw for my own health issues - typing can become hard because of the irreparable injury to my shoulder - I find it hard to use my phone to post and whadiyaknow - I can't log-in on my phone right now - possible because my user-name is too short

Anyway - I can be your on-line friend and I really have a commitment toward you which has lasted - I really can't be your forum-second Mum - neither of us have a "good" mother so I have to use my own energy for my daughter and other on-line friends. Please understand - my friendship for you is stronger than any mother feelings -

And my mother said bitchy things all the time and I would spark back sometimes - I am sure she had no idea what she had given birth to when I was born - I have a lot of spirit - my father was an authoritarian father but loving and I also had a lot of contact with my maternal grandmother who lived with it - and my father's family who accept me though now we see each other rarely. So I had a better start in life,

And I would take home-made cup-cakes when I visited my parents and my mother would say "Try one of these cupcakes (she) brought, but be careful not to break your teeth on th cacheaus - or - they are very sweet" - narky - I let that go but I would remind her my memories of the past varied from hers and she had no comeback because I knew the truth

Your mother is just as self-centred - remember it's her choice - for whatever reasons she will under-cut you if you let her. One thing at a time - you choose to be nice. She chooses otherwise. She will never validate you - my mother never validated me - but I have gone on without her for for nearly 7 years and have no regrets. She died with hers.

I am here for you - I need time out from the whole forum sometimes - to maintain self-care. I use a lot of emotional energy here and is what I like to do but it's not an easy task esp as my left shoulder is so badly impaired

As far as possible on-line I love you

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar I appreciate your honesty and your reply.
Im taking one day at a time.
im dropping off 10 jars of lavender salts to a cousin who has a cafe. Then off to spotlight to buy more fabric. I also sold all my baby burp cloths I made to a lady in my area who saw it on Facebook.
im happy they're selling. Oh and I had to quickly make another 12 bath salts for spares.
@Owlunar @oceangirl @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @Jynx @Emelia8

You are doing so well with your little business @BlueBay 🎉👍

You should feel very encouraged and positive about it all. People obviously love your stuff! 😆💓

Thankyou @Emelia8 I bought more material today to make more burp cloths - such cute fabric.
I will put some photos up when I'm finished.